Out of Control

What do I have Lord that I am not using for Your glory? Help me to make a decision to use what you have given me so that I will not lose what I have. When I look at my life I see chaos and distractions that keep me in a state of not moving. I am overwhelmed by my life and I get frustrated and frozen. How do I over come my unproductive life? Where do I begin? I am seeking you desperately and I beg you please answer my prayer. God I am tired of my unorganized and messy life, It makes me sad and depressed and I feel like I’m missing you Lord and Your will for me. Help me God I need you so badly to clearly direct me every step of the way.
What a prayer. I remember how that felt to be so desperate for change and unable to move because of all the distractions of life. Every second of the day escapes you as you frantically try to balance and juggle all the responsibilities of life without loosing control. 
What does the world offer for those of us who do loose control: The answer to that question could be found in a small pill. Just tell a doctor how you feel and you are on your way to a diagnosis of depression or worse. If that’s not you cup of tea maybe you would prefer a drink to drowned out your sorrows, perhaps some marijuana is just the thing to comfort your soul after a long hard day at work. 
It’s not hard to see where this is going. Substance abuse is not the only way we try to solve our problems. Lets take a look into our life and see where we find our remedy for our problems. Could it be in the books we read or the shows we watch on T.V.? A nice long episode of somebody else’s crazy life is just the thing we need to feel better. Maybe you’re a gambling fool who thinks somebody has to win might as well be me. Video games, shopping, eating, sex, you name it and we can become addicted to it in the attempt to ease our troubled minds. 
The book of Ecclesiastes says it all; “Vanity of vanities, all is vanity”. We do everything and anything to cure ourselves from our messy lives to be something or someone we wish we were and never dealing with the cause of our failing and flawed lives. 
Everyone at one point or another has found something to ease the pain of life and for some crazy reason they think they are still in control, but the sad truth is most have become slaves to these mind altering substance or addictions to food or fantasy or whatever the case may be. We would rather be lost in our indulgences than face reality. These things we do to cope with our life are empty and futile attempts and they leave us feeling depressed and alone. 
Depressed and alone, a place I am too familiar with and one I will never return to.
I wrote this prayer when I was fed up with my life and the way I was living it. Nothing seemed to make any sense, everything was out of control and I was lost in the middle of a fog so thick that I couldn't see past my nose. I didn't know how to fix my problems but I was on a search to find someone who knew. But after years of searching and waiting for someone to give me the answers to all of my problems, 
I came to a cross roads. 
I could continue down a road that only left me feeling alone and depressed or go the road less traveled. What is the road less traveled? It’s one that shows you all of your imperfections and flaws and brings to light all of your past hurts and regrets and all those skeletons in the closet that you sealed up so tightly within yourself, the ones you swore you would never tell anyone about. I guess that’s why it’s the road less traveled. Who wants to face all of that? 
We spend our time trying to forget all of that yucky stuff, we medicate our minds with things we think can help us to live peaceful and happy lives so we can pretend all is fine and dandy. We become something we never dreamed we would be, a creature of habit, one who copes with life rather than lives it. I guess that’s where I found myself, a slave to things that happened, trying so hard to cope but I was loosing the battle. I had to give up on myself because I was in over my head.
The road I chose was to believe that God sent his only son to die on the cross for my sins. In return God forgave all my sins and His word promises eternal life. Why any one wouldn’t take that deal is beyond me, maybe like me others just didn’t want to face their ugly sinful life. maybe they didn't know they needed a Lord and Savior. 
I always knew of the story of Jesus. As a child I grew up in a catholic church. I remember hearing about Jesus and thinking that since I knew the story I would be saved. I had not really excepted Jesus into my heart to be the Lord of my life, I guess I didn’t know I needed to. After all I prayed to God whenever I needed him and when I didn’t I left him out of it and tried to handle my life myself. 
I know now that God desires a relationship with me and wants to lead me through this life. The Lord of the universe wants to be with me and love me. That astonishes me, because I could hardly stand to be with me. Unconditional love flows from God the father to all his children. His only desire is for us to love Him and to believe in His son Jesus who took on the sins of the world so that we might be reconciled to our father in heaven. 
 What a joy it is to know I never have to handle my life on my own again. God will always be with me. The road isn't an easy one but it's rewards are far grater than anything this world has to offer. And who knows if tomorrow will come, nobody is guaranteed tomorrow. All I know is I finally started to enjoy my life and I stopped taking all of the blessings of the Lord for granted. 
 I love the words of Amazing Grace; "I once was lost but now I'm found, was blind but now I see." I pray you too would see all the Lord had blessed you with. I pray that you choose God today and give up the battle and let the Lord lead you from this life into the next.