Thursday, June 23, 2011

Feeling a Small Amount of Peace

God is so faithful. He gave me this image of life and I wanted to share it with you. I have three of the most adorable children ever. I was watching them play the other day and wondering why they do some of the silly things they do. They were filling up these plastic water bottles with water and running around the yard trying to get each other wet. I said to my husband, "why do kids do weird things like that? They get the biggest kick out of mindless games." Well sure enough someone got hurt. Holly my only girl came toward me as slowly as possible because she was so wounded, or so she wanted me to think. She was screaming in pain and trying to tell me what happened. Some how she slipped on one of the plastic bottles and fell on her back. I prayed with her and held her for a little while until her older brother came over and gave her a hug and asked if she wanted to go play again. I thought there was no way I would go back out there but she stopped crying and her voice was just as if nothing had happened and she ran back outside with her brother. What in the world is that? Kids are so funny! They play these silly games and if experience has taught them anything it's that typically someone will get hurt while playing, right? Does that stop them from wanting to have fun, not at all. They seem to enjoy the fun so much that when the pain comes it's almost worth the cost. Has it been so long since I was a child that I have forgotten how to enjoy life and just have fun? Has the pain gotten so bad that I have just removed myself from joy and laughter because I am anticipating the pain that is bound to happen? I think I forgot that this life doesn't come with guarantee's. There is pain in this life and that is a fact but does that mean we should stop having fun and just focus on the pain? I don't know about you but that just sounds ridiculous to me.

Thank You Lord for my children and for their carefree view on life. Thank You for my life as crazy as it is right now and please help me not to take these days for granted. Time is precious and so is life and I know that you would rather us enjoy the time we have here than to focus on the pain and suffering of this life. You are so good to us. Teach us to live more like little children. Rain or shine, pain or joy, help us to trust that you are in control and will be with us. In Jesus name amen!

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Trials or Blessings?

I am angry. I'm not fearful, just feel like at any moment I could blow up. Our family has been trying so hard to get back to life as usual and it seems that's not going to happen now. Kenny and I decided after many clear MRI's that we would trust that God has restored Kenny's health and we should get back to our life. Before that decision I was going to school and trying to get prepared to take over the provider role because the doctors told us we would only have 3 years. Things were well on their way with Kenny all set up for financial aid and enrolled for fall quarter 2011. Then we went in for another MRI and plans changed in an instant.

How am I supposed to react? My best friend, my husband and the father of my children is going to have another brain surgery. He is going to be treated again for cancer. I can't fall apart because my children need me to keep it together. I can't pray because I don't know why God would bring this back. I really truly was starting to believe that we would be the lucky ones. That God had mercy on us and saved our family from being torn apart by this silent killer.

I don't know what to say I am weak! I have to say how I am feeling because if I hold it in any longer I will become something I don't want to be, bitter. I know that I have a choice to make. I know that this can go two different ways. I can hang on to my anger and let it build up in my heart until I become hard and lose my compassion and my love, or I can be weak and cry and trust that while this may hurt a lot, God is in control and He loves my family and He will be with us as we walk throw this fire again. It's sounds so easy when I type these words but you and I both know it's so hard!

So please don't expect me to be strong. Please don't expect me to respond the way you think I should. I can only be me and that is someone who is hurt and confused. I will try to pray I will seek God and I will not walk away! God has done so many good things in my life that I can't deny Him. He restored my marriage, He gave me back my baby when doctors told me I had lost him, He has provided for our every need while we went through the first battle with cancer and He will be with us through this battle too!

God please help me. Please forgive me for the times I have lost my temper or snapped at someone who didn't deserve it. I am so weak and I need you. I want to trust you please help me to believe. Don't let bitterness build up in my heart. I need Your strength to feel this weak!!!

Monday, June 6, 2011


We are bad Representatives of Christ to the world. We need to take responsibility for ourselves. We call ourselves Christians but we don't seek God. Christianity is a lifestyle not a Sunday morning or Wednesday night. People should see a difference in us and we blend right in. How did it get like this? Why does our strength come from a coffee cup and not from our God? Lord we are fools! We cry out for help but never take the steps necessary to change. We are making fools of You Lord when we post these scriptures on facebook or in text messages and fail to live up to them. God forgive us and save us from our foolishness.

What Have We Done? Random Thoughts.

This generation is at such a disadvantage! It is more common that children come from broken homes than loving ones. It is more common that the children of this era are connected more to facebook than their own family. The enemy has been at work and we have been asleep. WAKE UP!!!

There are a lot of Christians out there who think that they just have to read the Word and everything will be OK. Where in the bible does it say that if you chant these verses like a magic spell that things will just happen? Proverbs is a great place to start doing instead of just reading because the name of the book is PRO...Verbs... Come on people a verb is an action word!!!

It took me a long time to figure out that life was more than just whats happening with me. It took me even longer to figure out that the only One who could help wasn't a doctor with his/her own television show. Yes it has been a long time since Jesus walked the Earth but we are to NOT lose heart! We have fallen so far away from God. I know Jesus is coming back because I see the signs, do you?

He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly Proverbs 13:24. Parents don't think for one second that if you refrain from disciplining your child that they will love you more. In fact the opposite is true. We are responsible to God for how we raise our children.

Don't put off till tomorrow that which can be done today!!!! BIBLE Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth!!! Ignorance is not bliss because we live in a nation where God and His Word can be found if we seek Him with all our hearts. We will have no excuse when we stand before our Lord on that day. He will say "what did you do with the life I gave you?" If we just lived for ourselves we have been wicked servants.

God help us all to be good stewards of our time on this planet. We are so blessed in this rich nation but the enemy would have us look at all the bad things in our own lives instead of remembering the GOOD! God we are living in a modern day Babylon, like frogs in a pot that is slowly being turned up to boiling so are we. Help us to move!!! Help us to PRAY!!! WE NEED YOU GOD.

So Distracted

Things in this life can be unclear. We are so use to the quick fix. We have been spoiled with all this technology that delivers fast, fast, fast into our everyday lives. When things start to seem unclear as we're heading down this highway of our lives we should clean the windshield off, right? fortunately we have windshield whippers so we don't need to pull over (or unfortunately). But what if you're out of cleaning fluid? Aha, now you have to pull your fast car over and clean that windshield!

Slow down and pay attention to the little things that you've been neglecting as you try to take on the world. So you'll be late to your meeting. Better to be a little late than not show up at all because you've been horribly mangled in an automobile accident. Sorry about all the car analogy's, we've been experiencing some car troubles recently.

I have been questioning why we choose not to do things God's way. I think I've figured out a few of the reasons why. God rarely works fast, especially when He's trying to change a person's life around. It took people a lot of years to get that banged up and wounded and it will take time to heal. We hate those words!!! We really hate those words. "Take time to heal are you kiddin' me I have to work, I have a dead-line to meet, I have a life to live."

That's where things start to get shady and unclear. We think the sooner we get back to life as usual the better. So, in the name of the "quick fix" we try every remedy and "pill" from here to kingdom come. But maybe, just maybe, God wants you to slow down. Maybe He has been trying to get your attention and you've been so connected to e-mails and facebook and cell phones and those quick fix remedies that you haven't been listening. Hmm...?

I've seen those ad's on TV and the side effects and the possibilities that you could be doing more harm than good are ridiculous. Just wait on the Lord. Wait and pray and know that He is the same God that saved the Israelites out of Egypt and the same God that created, that little thing we call, THE UNIVERSE.

OK so now your car is broken your heart is hurting and you have the flu. Yeah you better slow down because there is something you are missing and God is trying to get you to listen. What better time then now? Isn't it funny how we "can't miss this call" but we are willing to put off praying to our creator.

God we are so like sheep. We just see that greener pasture and we run for it at full speed without even noticing that danger is lurking just over that hill getting further and further away from our shepherd as we run. God help us to follow You and only You. We are so distracted by the things in this world. We just need to keep our eyes on You and trust that you will be the light unto our paths and our fortress of defense.

The enemy is so good at distracting us and keeping us chasing that dollar. He loves to see us put school and work and even our own health issues above God. Because when we do that he knows that he's won half the battle.

We are so forgetful when it comes to things God has done in our lives but the bad stuff is right out in the front. We dwell on the negative when we should be remembering the positive. Please don't forget the things the Lord has done for you. I'll remind you of one right now. He gave His One and Only Son in your place. Jesus paid the debt you owed so that your sins may be forgiven. Praise the Lord! If you have nothing else to be thankful for than that, I'd say you are blessed!