This post is me and I am not ashamed of being me, because God made me and He knows my frame. He knows how I let the things of this world cloud my thoughts and create fears inside of me. He knows I get angry and I am prone to jealousy when I compare my life to others. I am a sinner and God knows that. So hear is my angry, whiny, selfish post. But make sure you read to the end!
When Lord, when? It feels like I will never get back to happy again. I am so tired of being sad! I am so tired of these emotions that flood my life and take over my days. I am tired of feeling like I don't belong. I just want a little peace. Everything has been flipped upside down. No, everything has been ruined! I am ruined, I am totally ruined.
What happens now? How do You get glory from a ruined life? All our plans, all our dreams, all our hopes for the future are gone. Aren't you tired of hearing me cry out? Aren't you tired of listening to me cry all day? I'm tired of me! I'm tired God! I don't know what I'm doing here anymore. I just want to go somewhere. I want to leave! I don't want to be here.
My faith is weak and my heart is ruined. I am afraid all the time! ALL THE TIME! Something has to change I can't keep going like this. I don't want to be angry and bitter. Why have You brought me here? When will You come back? When will You fix my broken heart? I need You to fix me. I can't, and there is no one else who can. Please God make this stop.
Oh what little faith I have! Simply believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shall be saved!
OK God I give up. I can't possibly go on another day with this anger and fear that is tormenting me and my family. I need you to cast it out and please give me peace and joy, real peace and joy! I don't want to lose any more precious time. I can't change what is happening now or what may come but you can change the way I've been dealing with this. You can help me to live everyday to the fullest and to be joyful in every moment that we have together no matter how long that may be. I don't want to have any regrets! Please God change my heart or I'll ruin everything with my bad attitude. I need peace that surpasses all understanding! I need You God.
Did that prayer sound familiar? I posted it once before. Check out the post, I highlighted the prayer.
Somehow or other it came just the same (12/21/11)
OK, I think this is the perfect time to bring this blog to an end. I am so grateful for the truths God has shown me through this blog as I struggle down this road of trails and blessings. Want to know the most important thing I've learned through this experience? As Kenny once said, FAITH. Just believe. That's it!
God's words are true and we just have to believe and keep believing, no mater what our eyes are seeing or our thoughts are leading us to fear! God say's, "Do not fear!"
One last little nugget from Dr. Larry Crabb who suffered the loss of his brother due to a plane crash and even after 7 years had gone by still found himself grieving the loss. "Knowing the Lord and His comfort does not take away the ache; instead, it supports you in the middle of the ache. Until I get home to heaven, there's going to be an ache that won't quit. The grieving process for me is not so much a matter of getting rid of the pain, but not being controlled by the pain."