Saturday, September 29, 2012

Reveal the Hurt & Receive the Healing

I was feeling pretty overwhelmed again the other night and I found myself, yet again, crying out to God. The next morning after some prayer and some time to process my thoughts, I decided I didn't want anyone to see the yucky, selfish, whiny post I had written, so I reverted it to a draft. Then, after some more time and prayer I thought about how I like to make myself look good, so I decided to re-post it.
This post is me and I am not ashamed of being me, because God made me and He knows my frame. He knows how I let the things of this world cloud my thoughts and create fears inside of me. He knows I get angry and I am prone to jealousy when I compare my life to others. I am a sinner and God knows that. So hear is my angry, whiny, selfish post. But make sure you read to the end!

When Lord, when?  It feels like I will never get back to happy again. I am so tired of being sad! I am so tired of these emotions that flood my life and take over my days. I am tired of feeling like I don't belong. I just want a little peace. Everything has been flipped upside down. No, everything has been ruined! I am ruined, I am totally ruined.
What happens now? How do You get glory from a ruined life? All our plans, all our dreams, all our hopes for the future are gone. Aren't you tired of hearing me cry out? Aren't you tired of listening to me cry all day? I'm tired of me! I'm tired God! I don't know what I'm doing here anymore. I just want to go somewhere. I want to leave! I don't want to be here.
My faith is weak and my heart is ruined. I am afraid all the time! ALL THE TIME! Something has to change I can't keep going like this. I don't want to be angry and bitter. Why have You brought me here? When will You come back? When will You fix my broken heart? I need You to fix me. I can't, and there is no one else who can. Please God make this stop.

Oh what little faith I have! Simply believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shall be saved!

OK God I give up. I can't possibly go on another day with this anger and fear that is tormenting me and my family. I need you to cast it out and please give me peace and joy, real peace and joy! I don't want to lose any more precious time. I can't change what is happening now or what may come but you can change the way I've been dealing with this. You can help me to live everyday to the fullest and to be joyful in every moment that we have together no matter how long that may be. I don't want to have any regrets! Please God change my heart or I'll ruin everything with my bad attitude. I need peace that surpasses all understanding! I need You God. 
Did that prayer sound familiar? I posted it once before. Check out the post, I highlighted the prayer.
Somehow or other it came just the same (12/21/11)

OK, I think this is the perfect time to bring this blog to an end. I am so grateful for the truths God has shown me through this blog as I struggle down this road of trails and blessings. Want to know the most important thing I've learned through this experience? As Kenny once said, FAITH. Just believe. That's it!
God's words are true and we just have to believe and keep believing, no mater what our eyes are seeing or our thoughts are leading us to fear! God say's, "Do not fear!"

But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob,
And He who formed you, O Israel:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by your name;
You are Mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,
Nor shall the flame scorch you.
For I am the Lord your God,
The Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I gave Egypt for your ransom,
Ethiopia and Seba in your place.
(Isaiah 43:1-3)
Thank you all for sharing this journey with me and for being loving and not condemning. I know some of my posts have been pretty raw and a bit angry, but you let me be vulnerable and real. That's exactly how God treats all those He loves. He listens to our complaints and our sorrows over and over again. He never gets tired of us as we cry out to Him! He is long suffering! He is Love! 

I believe this blog has been healing for me and I am not finished writing by any means! I believe that by bringing; my emotions and my fears and my anger and everything yucky in me, out into the light (of this blog) God was able to show me the error of my ways and teach me His truths. 

I learned to be honest with Him about my weaknesses and He made me strong! I learned that pride can get in the way of our healing. We can't expect God to heal us if we think we can "handle" this. You have to be honest with yourself too. Most times we think we are more than what we really are. We would do well to remember we are just the clay not the sculptor. 

The best and most wonderful thing I learned is that God is the same yesterday, today and forever! He will never leave me nor forsake me, so I may boldly say the Lord is my helper I will not fear, What can man do to me? 

God thank You so much for everything You've taught me! I don't expect life to be easy! In fact, I know the opposite is true! I know that if I just believe Your words and Your promises I can have joy and healing and every precious heavenly treasure that I desire. I would be lost without Your word! Thank You for walking with me through these painful times. You are Good! All Glory Honor and Power belongs to You. I choose You Lord. I am Yours yesterday, today and forever, because nothing and no one, can snatch me out of Your hands! Thank You for Your sacrificial love and for forgiving me by washing me clean with the blood of Jesus. Please go before me now and prepare the path You have willed for me. Help me to be steadfast and faithful and keep me close to You always. Make me never forget the things You've taught me up to this day and keep me always learning and growing in all wisdom and knowledge and understanding of You. In Jesus name I pray AMEN.

One last little nugget from Dr. Larry Crabb who suffered the loss of his brother due to a plane crash and even after 7 years had gone by still found himself grieving the loss. "Knowing the Lord and His comfort does not take away the ache; instead, it supports you in the middle of the ache. Until I get home to heaven, there's going to be an ache that won't quit. The grieving process for me is not so much a matter of getting rid of the pain, but not being controlled by the pain."

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