Thursday, March 29, 2012

Connected in Death

"When you remember me, it means that you have carried something of who I am with you, that I have left some mark of who I am on who you are. It means that you can summon me back to your mind even though countless years and miles may stand between us... It means that even after I die, you can still see my face and hear my voice and speak to me in your heart." ~Frederick Buechner

This quote was read to a group of us one evening as all present remembered loved ones who died. Some shared, some stayed very quiet and just listened. Perhaps they were too emotional to share. Maybe they, like me, found bitter sweet comfort in knowing they were not alone in dealing with such pain. I have never seen such a picture of grace as I looked around the room at the men and women who suffered the loss of their spouse. Such diversity and yet we all shared something. Death connected us to each other.

What a way to get to know someone! I heard someone describe our group as the club nobody wants to belong to. Because of the deep connection we had with each other, though we've only met a couple times, we knew each other in a way most other people couldn't fully understand. Our "club" brings comfort and unity to each other. We, all at our weakest, can come alone side one another and share our heavy loads. Is this starting to sound a little like the church body? It's true we all belong to the sinners club as hard as that is to admit for some of us. We are all failures, and isn't that a huge comfort?

Are you starting to see another picture painted in the midst of this quote by Frederick Buechner? It's the picture of Jesus Christ who came and lived with us, taught us, healed us, corrected us, suffered and died for us. God sent His perfect and blameless Son to show us the way we should go and to pay the price for our sins, all for the love of us! Now we, as His followers, are all connected to Him through His death and resurrection. He left a mark of who He was on Who we are meant to be. We have the ability, through His Word, to summon Him back to our mind even though countless years and miles stand between us. It means that even though He is no longer physically visible to us we can still see His face and hear His voice and speak to Him in our hearts.

When we remember our loved ones who have died we bring them into a deeper part of who we are. We can see things through different lenses and are able to distinguish to a greater extent the truly important things in life. So it is with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. We can bring Him into a deeper part of who we are by living by His Words. We are but a vapor, here today and gone tomorrow! We will all face death one day and we will do it alone! We wont have our family and friends with us when we stand in front of our Creator to give an account of what we did with the lives He chose to give us. What will the lives we lived here on earth tell Him about us? Will we be strong and courageous in His eyes as we faced various trials throughout the course of our lives? Will we be told, "Well done good and faithful servant," or will we look away in shame at how we choose to spend our time?

We are all so fearfully and wonderfully made. We are so fragile and weak but have the ability to be so strong and courageous. We need each other, there is strength in numbers. "And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching." – Hebrews 10:24-25   Every single one of us has the power to decide to crumble and fall apart or to hold onto hope and walk on continuing to fight. But you don't have to fight alone!!! What we decide will be clearly seen by everyone around us. Though our loved ones have past, they are not fully gone, though they are no longer physically visible, they are fully visible through how we live and walk this journey called life.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Disneyland slide show

Tiny Glimmer Of Light

What is it God that made me feel better tonight? Was it hearing your truth, was it the prayer, or was it simply that someone cared enough to talk to me?
Hebrews 10:25 says let us not forsake the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the day approaching.
God this is by far the most difficult thing I've ever experienced! I AM NOT strong enough to handle this. But God You are! Your word says when I am weak You are strong. You know my frame Lord that I am as weak as a worm but You are able to make me into a threshing sledge, new and sharp, with many teeth. (Isaiah 41:14-15)
God I need You now more than ever! I can't even trust myself because my emotions are so out of control. I am so thankful for my church family and how they care for me and my children. God please bless them and strengthen their faith. Lord I can't see very far ahead of me right now but I trust that You will lead me. Heal my broken heart Lord and my children's broken hearts as well. Please give me the strength to care for them and comfort them. God be their shield of defense and their rock of refuge. Be their salvation Lord and never let them go. God keep me close to You! In Jesus name AMEN!

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Post mark... "Heaven"

Today was Keegan's birthday. Our little boy is nine now. I can't believe how fast he is growing! He is such a good boy and so smart! He is starting to be very protective too. We missed you today! So much! I stopped by the Dairy Queen on Meridian for lunch, picked up an ice cream cake and took it to home fellowship to share with everyone. I even cut both the boys hair today and it didn't even take that long this time. Josiah wiggled a little but Keegan didn't complain. Their hair turned out nice, I think, it's not as short as you would like but its better than it was. I took Josiah into the doctor on Friday because he's had this cough for so long and then he started complaining of a backache. I knew as soon as he said my back hurts I had to get his lungs checked out and of course they said pneumonia. Jo has cavities too, Keegan and Holly checked out OK at the dentist but poor Jo has to have some fillings done. The dentist wants to pull some of Keegan's baby teeth out to make room for the adult teeth to come in straight. Your weird son is actually looking forward to getting braces.  Holly got her hair cut on Valentines day and she asked me if you could see her new hair cut from heaven. She cries a lot at night. She says she misses snuggling you. I miss that too! I miss you so much!!! It's just not the same without you here! I am trying so hard to be there for the kids but I feel like I'm being pulled in three different directions at the same time. They are grieving too but I am so exhausted! I wish I could just sleep until... I don't know when....because when will I stop missing you? NEVER! This is so hard! Well I better get some sleep or I'll regret it in the morning. Oh who am I kidding, you and I both know I'm not going to sleep! I'll cry for about an hour and go through half a roll of toilet paper before my head hits the pillow! Why did God make it so your nose gets stuffy when you cry I'll never understand! It's like a cruel kick-ya-when-your-down kind of torture! I love you Kenny!!!

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Who do you say that you are?

I was trying to read Deuteronomy today. So, not one of my favorite books but still I made a commitment to stick with reading through the bible in one year. My mind has been wondering all morning and when that happens my reading goes a little something like this;
.... These are the words which Moses spoke to all Israel on this side of the Jordan in the wilderness, in the plain.... my lips are dry, I should find some chap stick....where was I, It is eleven days' journey from Horeb.... How do you even pronounce that word? OK, These are the words which Moses... wait I just read that. Ugh!
Frustrating hu? I guess I'll have to get back to that chapter later tonight when my mind isn't a jumble of thoughts. I know what you're thinking, you just gotta pray and take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. Trust me, God is working on me don't you worry. Praise Him that He is a teacher of different learning styles right? "Five minute break Alyscia go get whatever you've got on your mind off and then we'll try again." Thanks Teacher be right back.
God is so patient with us isn't He? So what has been on my mind is, Identity, my identity your identity everybody's identity. Who do we say that we are? Well I was a wife but I'm not that anymore. I am a mother still but that's even been redesigned because now I'm a single mother. I am a daughter but I never took well to that role. I am a jobless husband-less lonely woman! (OK my emotions are wild right now so excuse my drama)  Honestly I don't know who I say that I am except the Lords. Isaiah 43:1 says, Fear not for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; YOU ARE MINE. Sweet! I like that God claims me even if I am a nobody!
I don't understand people who have their lives planned out from a young age and then somehow manage to live out, to the letter, exactly how they had planned it. What?!? How crazy is that?  Only in my dreams! Well I certainly didn't plan my life out that's for sure! It hasn't been a walk in the park by any means! But the funny thing is I don't care what my life looks like right now. I don't even want to think about the future let alone make plans for it, should it even come. I am just trying to.... heal....that doesn't sound right.... recover.... no not that yeah, I am just trying to be. Lord help me to be here! Help me to see all that You've creatively designed just for me. Help me to see this beautiful sunny day, the breeze that gently blows the towering trees, the birds, the grass....I could go on but you get the picture. There are things in life that you don't notice because you are too busy trying to BE that person you want to be. How lovely and wonderful it is to know that all I ever need to be is HIS! I am God's child and He loves me.
As I was thinking about identity I checked my e-mail and I found this video journal that I subscribed to.... isn't God good!!! He knows where I am and He understands! Check out the link below. Have a blessed day just being His!!!
The Disciple Jesus Loved