Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Friday, December 2, 2011
Trust is a hard thing for me to do. I am weak in this area! But it's so simple, I just have to choose to trust, regardless of my feelings and emotions and circumstances I need to choose to trust that God is in control and that He loves me and is for me.
I was walking along the battle field of life with my sword in hand and my shield lifted up when all of a sudden I looked around me and saw the tremendous length of the battle field and how my enemies were surrounding me on all sides. They were reminding me of my failures and my past hurts. They lied to me and they tried to tell me that God was a mean God for letting all these horrible things happen.
Their weapons of psychological assault were working and my defenses were weakening. Then all around me loved ones were going down by crazy trials and my heart began to ache like never before. I found myself in a bad place. I had taken a road I shouldn't have. I took my eyes off of the Lord and saw what seemed an insurmountable battle raging all around me. I should have never taken my eyes off of my God!
Praise the Lord that all I needed to do was start trusting Him again. Though once I found myself in that place of fear and terror the enemy had so many opportunities to lie to me. I found myself believing those lies because I wondered out from under God's protective covering. It was a tough battle to get back to that place of trusting God because the enemy had me in an open area and every shot towards me was a direct hit.
Praise God for fellowship because my friends saw where I had gone and ran to my defense, led by my Savior, of that I'm sure. They rallied around me and prayed for me and reassured me of the truths the enemy had twisted with lies.
God came after me! He didn't let me go. I wandered out of the green pastures and He came after me. He does love me! He will never let me go! He is my savior yesterday, today and forever! The enemy might have caught me off guard but he will never catch God off His guard!
My Savior, my Lord, thank You! You are good! Thank You for my friends who patiently and lovingly reminded me of Your Truths! Thank You for saving me again! Lord help me never take my eyes off of You again! I love You and I trust You and You alone!!! Be with me today as we take on another battle. We are heading up to Seattle today to get the results of Kenny's MRI. Be with us Lord help me to keep my eyes on You God!!! Thank You in Your son's precious name amen.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
I have to be honest though, I started to have apprehensions about going the night before we were supposed to leave on our family vacation. I don't know what came over me...wait, yes I do, fear! Fear that if I went to Disneyland it would somehow make this whole thing a reality. Kenny's cancer would really be back and really be threatening his life. If I accepted this extravagant gift it would be like I was accepting what was happening to my family and I didn't want to accept it! I wanted God to know that I only wanted one thing and that was to have my husband be healthy and able to work again and go back to life as usual. Take anything You want Lord just please don't take my husband!!! Take our money take our home take our cars take anything else just please don't take him. I'll do anything!!! We went on our trip and it was a blast. I am so glad I didn't ruin the trip for us with my bad attitude.
I am still struggling, I mean really struggling to hold on to anything at this point. It has gotten to the point that I am beginning to revert back to some old habits like anger and anxious thoughts and crippling fear. I hate feeling like this. I hate what is happening to my family! I love what the Lord has done in us and I have been front row in witnessing some amazing things that God has done only for us during this difficult time.
He has been true to His word! He has provided far more and far grater things for us than I could have ever imagined. He is good! But I am NOT OK with losing my husband! I don't want to do it. I know God could choose to heal Kenny at any time. I know that God could take me home before He takes Kenny. I know all of that but I still don't want to lose him. I love him.
I am not like Abraham! I am not strong enough to give freely someone I love so much. Even as I type these words I think of how God gave His ONE and ONLY SON as a sacrifice for my sins, for all of our sins. Yes I know I sound selfish, but you can't understand until you've walked a mile in my shoes. It's easy looking in from the outside to say things like God is in control and God will give you peace if you ask for it.
Why on earth would I want that? I want to be angry! I want God to know I am not happy about this. Do You hear that Lord? I AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS!
My daughter said the most amazing thing as we were flying through the sky in the airplane that would take us to Disneyland. She said, "Wow from up here the whole world looks so small." I knew that was for me from God. He wanted me to know that He is still in control even though it feels like things are falling apart. Then I thought about how we were so helpless at that very moment and vulnerable to so many fates. We could have easily fallen out of the sky to our deaths. I mean we truly have no control over our own lives! We think if we eat right and take our vitamins that all will be well but oops, didn't see that car coming, SPLAT! Done for! Things that make you go hmm.
Ever want an answer, like now? What are You going to do God? What do You have in store for my family? I need to know God!
God is never in a hurry. God wasn't in a big hurry when He sent His son down to us. It seems He took His sweat time getting things going. But all through the Old Testament God was working and preparing and making ready His wonderful plan. Then, when Jesus was finally here with us, Emanuel, He was too small to do anything. He was a baby, a tiny vulnerable baby. He had to grow and become a man before His great work could be accomplished.
It took another 30 some years before He would die on the cross and conquer death. Yet all around Him people were sick and dying and in need of a savoir. He died and people didn't even understand what He had done until three days later. He died for our sins and conquered death and there are still people who don't know Him or His great accomplishment.
I know waiting on God is what is needed in my situation. I know that waiting on Him and having faith that He is with me is the answer to my problems. Why is it so hard to TRUST HIM? Why do I question the creator or waste my time being angry with a situation that is out of my control? Why do I let my emotions run my life?
Why am I afraid to let go of my anger and my fears and ask for His peace that surpasses ALL understanding? Maybe, because I can't figure it out on my own. Maybe the reason I am so fearful is because I don't know! I don't know where this road is leading. I don't know what my future holds. I don't know! This is the truest test of faith. I hate not knowing!
So what do I know? I know that God is in control! I know that He is for me! I know that He will be with me! I know that He is!!! Peace? Well OK I don't know what it will look like but my way isn't working out so great.
Peace that surpasses all understanding...
It surpasses all understanding...
I wont be able to figure it out, in other words I just have to trust that it will be from God and therefore it will be good.
Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him. (Psalm 37:7)
I read this passage in Andrew Murray's, Waiting on God devotinal; "Be still before the Lord. It is resting in the Lord, in His will, His promise, His faithfulness, and His love, that makes patience easy. And the resting in Him is nothing but being silent unto Him, still before Him. Having our thoughts and wishes, our fears and hopes, hushed into calm and quiet in that great peace of God which passeth all understanding."
I read that and pictured a mother holding her newborn baby, who was fearful of everything because everything was new, gently softly talking and rocking and reassuring the child that everything will be alright.
God please take my fears, take my future, take my anxious thoughts and my anger too. Take them all and please just hold me. Hold me and reassure me that everything will be alright. You are in control. You are in control. You love me and You will be with me always. Peace! Praise the Lord.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Saturday, November 5, 2011
That's a lot of hate. But then there's love. I love that out of all the people in the whole world I was the one that got to be Kenny's wife. I love that God brought us together and gave us our beautiful children. I love that Kenny is so strong in his faith. I love watching how many lives are touched and some even changed forever by the work the Lord is doing through Kenny. I love knowing that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. I love knowing the TRUTH!
Sometimes I feel the scale tipping more to one side than the other. Sometimes I want to put on anger and hatred, but, what would that do? The only thing anger and hatred has ever done is destroy lives. I hated for a long time. I was angry for a long time. I had hurts that couldn't be consoled away. I had the kind of pain that wakes you up at night with tremendous fear and uncontrollable tears. I wanted to kill the pain so bad, and in different ways I did. For a time I dealt with my pain in unhealthy ways like, drinking, and partying. I thought if I looked happy on the out side that some how that would make me happy on the inside. I thought I had to be the change I wanted to see in the world. I thought it was all on me to get myself together. Thank God I was wrong!!!
Praise the Lord that we only need to cry out to Him for help and He will help us. Praise the Lord that He wants to carry our heavy loads. Praise Him that He heals from the inside out!!!
Yeah sometimes I feel the old me rising up, but when that happens God reminds me of His love. He reminds me that He loved me so much that He was willing to pay the price for my sin and die a horrible, painful, sinners death on the cross. He loves me so much that even though Jesus Christ never sinned once, He was willing to suffer for me, a sinner. God is so good to me! He will never leave me nor forsake me! So I don't need to fear for I have been redeemed and He has called me by my name; I am His. When I pass through the waters, He will be with me; and through the rivers, they will not overflow me. When I walk through the fire, I will not be burned , nor will the flame scorch me. For He is the Lord my God. The Holy One of Israel, my Savior!!!
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
You have filled our refrigerator with plenty and you have spent your precious time praying for us and thinking up ways to bless us. You have provided delicious meals and money for gas. You have donated your time to clean out our junk room and turn it into a playroom. You cut our lawn you built a swing set for our children. You've rejoiced with us and cried with us.
You have sent us cards and lent us your DVD's and video game equipment so Kenny wouldn't be bored while recovering. You've give us furniture and clothes, CD's, noise reducing head phones. You have helped us move over and over again. You have been there through the good days and bad days.
You have helped us to understand the Word of life. We can never repay that! You have sacrificed yourselves for us. "Thank you," just doesn't seem sufficient, but it's all we have.
"Wait a minute God you have the wrong family! This can't be for us! You must be mistaken! I have been good and I'm reading your word and I'm doing what's right. Why are you punishing us now? What did we do wrong?"
God showed Kenny and me how to forgive, how to really love, how be patient, how to listen and how to pray. He opened our eyes to see that it doesn't really matter if the kids are out of bed for the tenth time, so what? Listen to them while they are young. They wont sound this cute when they are teenagers. Laugh when things get to stressful. Look up when your feeling down. Be thankful for everything you have because in an instant it can all be gone.
Don't hold a grudge! There is no point in worrying about the future. Things could be a lot worse. Look around you to see the people who need a friend. There are a lot of lonely and hurting people out there and they just need someone to care. Shouldn't that be us? We have the gift of Truth, the gospel of Jesus Christ, we should really share it more freely and with a much greater passion than we do.
I am grateful for Kenny's cancer, because without it I would never have known how much of life I was missing. Will God chooses to heal Kenny or to take Him home? I don't know, but I have faith that whatever God chooses it will be for our good. He loves taking ashes and turning them into beauty.
We would never have seen His beauty if it wasn't for His pain.We would never have known His love if it wasn't for our shame!
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Saturday, October 1, 2011
I love you all so much! I know I get stressed and sometimes I yell so instead of making excuses I just want to say I am so sorry. I wish I was stronger. I know you don't understand now why things are the way they are but you will one day. Until then I will keep praying that God will protect you. You are so important to me. Keegan you are so smart and you have an obedient heart. I love watching you grow and learn more. I know God has a wonderful plan for your life and I will love every minute of watching His plan unfold. Holly you are so beautiful and so sweet. I love your sensitivity for others. How you cry when they cry. You are going to be an amazing woman one day. God will always be your strength. Josiah you are so darn funny. I love how silly you are. Your laugh is contagious and your hugs are only second to daddy's. You are fearless and I hope you keep that quality except when it comes to God. I hope you learn that fear early on in life and keep it all your days. I pray that for all three of you. Let Him be number one and You'll never lose your way. Please forgive me for the times I fail you. It's a hard fact of life to learn your parents aren't perfect and don't have all the answers and they even make bad choices. The only one you can always count on is God. He will never fail you and He knows everything. He will never make wrong choices, though sometimes your emotions might lead you to think He makes wrong choices. Never give up hope and pray always! You are meant to be hear, there is a reason for all of this. I love you all so much and I will never stop praying for you. I am so blessed to be your mom!
Saturday, September 3, 2011
I think it’s fascinating to see how people lived in different times. based in the 1900’s, this show got me thinking about life and all the choices and decisions that make or break us. As a culture we seem to gain more and more freedoms every day. I don’t know much about political issues (though I probably should take some more interest than I have) I do know from history that the more freedom we seem to win for ourselves the more troubles arise. It’s like someone gave us a short rope to start off with and we became unhappy with our length of rope convincing ourselves that if we only had a little more rope we could do so much more. So we pleaded our case and were granted a bit more rope. However, after time and the unwavering truth that man is never satisfied, our ropes have become so long that they just seem to tie us up. We have such a long rope we hardly know what to do with it all. And so it seems to be true with our never ending choices; schools, work, marriage, children, food, cars, banking, even religious beliefs, which can send us spinning out of control and tie us up in knots.
I look back at the women of the early 1900’s with awe and respect for how they had to live under such submission to authorities. I think some of the bravest women are the ones who courageously and joyfully accept their lot in life. I look at women now with all our freedom and choices and wonder did we really get a longer rope in which to enrich our lives or have we just entangled ourselves?
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
What to eat or what not to eat… that is the question. And another I ask. To take medicine or not to take medicine that is the other question.
I love the Lord’s timing! He is so faithful and good to show us His will and lift us up when we are feeling low. I have been so torn up inside about everything regarding Kenny’s care. I love my husband very much and I have been so afraid that I would make a bad decision regarding his treatment for cancer all the way down to what foods to feed him. That is when God led me to me Romans 14. (Please read this chapter to understand the rest of this blog entry) You see my situation isn’t new to God. People have been pondering these same thoughts for hundreds of years, maybe since the beginning of time. Ecclesiastes teaches us that there is nothing new under the sun. There is a time for everything. A time to be born and a time to die, you know how this goes. God is in control and He doesn’t want us to be so caught up with these questions. God loves us and He knows what we can handle. Let’s face it… we live in a world that is money driven and if you don’t have the money you don’t have the best food or the best doctors or the best medicines. God knows this. He also told us to pray and walk by faith not by sight as we go about our lives. He is the one who predestines our birth and our death regardless of what we decide. God knows if we will be victims of drug abuse or alcoholism, it is God who set the world in motion. We think we know more than He does. I know my 8 year old son likes to think he knows more than I do about life. Oh, we have gotten into a few discussions about how I was made (by the Almighty God) his mother and how, regardless of whether or not he knows more than I do, he still needs to submit to my authority over him. I know that I will not make a decision about my husband’s medical care or nutrition alone. I know that God is with me every step of the way and I know that He will lead me down the path that He has predestined us to go.
I love my Lord and I love how He loves me and my family. He is my rock, my fortress of defense to save me. I love all of you who have been faithful to pray for us during this difficult time. Please let this be a blessing to you. Please don’t live your life in fear of death because death comes to us all. We should all take care of ourselves and make the best choices for our families needs but don’t let those issues consume you. Don’t be judgmental of others who might not make the same nutritious choices you do. Walk a mile in their shoes. God is big and He uses all sorts of ways to teach us and grow us into the image of His son. God has blessed us with wonderful friends and family and that is the only treasure worth seeking after, not money not a long healthy life. We are only given what we are given. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away and still I will say blessed be the name of the Lord.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
We are all people. We all eat, we all sleep, and we all poop. Seriously, we have a lot more in common than we would like to admit. So why do we judge one another by our petty little differences? Because we are wicked at heart. Because we don't see the evil that springs out of our thoughts and our mouths until it's right in front of us lying there on the ground. And instead of cleaning up the mess we made we try to cover it up or explain it away. But it still stinks!
I was wondering why I act one way around one person and a different way around someone else. Here comes my "explanation"; because I want that person to like me, I want to be liked. Is that strange? No, it's not strange. We all want to be liked, loved even. Family can be so difficult to talk to but they are the people we want to love us the most. Even when our family hurts us we still want them to like us. Why? God has knit the hearts of family so much closer together than other hearts. So close in fact that they see more of us then the rest of the world. They see the ugly parts of us. They know our secrets and they know where and how we started. They know how hard we try and they've seen how hard we fall. They see our mistakes sometimes before we do. That's a big problem!
There are some that think of themselves as "saviors". These people aren't bad intentioned people just confused. They've experienced pain and they were scarred by it. They hold onto that pain as a reminder to never let that happen again. These confused people think that if they shout out a warning every time a loved one looks like they might be headed down the path of pain that they can somehow save them from the same fate of pain and heartache. Unfortunately, for that person, their shouts sound more like judgements and ridicules than the warnings of a concerned loved one.
I read a story about a butterfly just recently. There was this person who was eagerly awaiting the emerging of a butterfly from it's cocoon. The process had just started and the person watched in amazement as the butterfly struggled to be reborn. As the person looked on they decided that the butterfly surely could use some help because it seemed it was struggling too hard for a brand new butterfly, something had to be wrong. So the person took a tiny pair of scissors and ever so carefully cut open the rest of the cocoon to free the butterfly from it's struggles. That person must have felt such a sense of pride and triumph after "saving" this creature from it's terrible struggles. However something strange happened after that. The butterfly's wings were free but something was wrong. It didn't seem to have beautiful bright colors as other butterflies did. In fact this butterfly seemed to be getting weaker. Not long after that the butterfly died. The reason the butterfly didn't survive was simply because it had not had the chance to grow stronger through the trials of being reborn. The creature needed that trial to grow stronger healthier muscles and pump the blood into it's magnificent wings. God created all His creatures with that similar purpose in mind. He wants all of us to be as magnificent and beautiful as He has designed us to be. But sometimes the self proclaimed "saviors" of this world end up doing more harm than good.
Let's leave the saving to the real savior Jesus Christ. When we act as a person's "savior," we are confusing that person into thinking that maybe we are a savior or maybe there is a such thing as a human savior. THERE IS NOT! Let's not hold onto past hurts, give them to God and ask for His healing. Let's not pretend to know more than we do. Let's, all of us let the Lord do the saving from now on. We are only to work with God towards "our own" salvation, not the salvation of others. That's why we need to pray more and fix less. We will all struggle in this life, but God is faithful to complete the work He has started in us until it is finished!
Forgive me father for I have sinned! Restore what I arrogantly took from others that You might have meant for their good. Help me to only work out my own salvation with fear and trembling. You are God of all, I am just Your creation. Thank You for Your Son and His atoning death on the cross. If it wasn't for Jesus I would be lost forever. Thank You for continuing to guide me and teach me. Thank You for not forsaking me. You are patient and long suffering. You are LOVE.
1 Corinthians 13 1-13
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Tomorrow morning is Kenny's surgery and we can't sleep. When I think about life and all the things that can go wrong in an instant I wonder why we ever bother to be upset at one another. Hurt feelings and misunderstandings just don't seem to rate on the importance scale when you are in the midst of a life or death situation. In fact the only thing I have been thinking about is, when is the Lord coming back and what does He want me to be doing in the mean time? But somehow we get caught up in this strange existence and pile on emotions and selfish thoughts and boom, you have the world we live in today. Why are people so driven by money? Why are there hungry people when we have so much to share? Why do people seek sex and drugs over Truth and righteousness? Why do children suffer at the hands of their own parents? Why? It all started with hurt feelings and pain. It all started when we didn't follow His laws. Yes God knows that we are feeble and weak, selfish, wretched people so He made a way out for us all. And it's the simplest kind of answer too. Believing in His Son Jesus! He came down to earth, died for our sins and said if we believe we are eternally saved. It couldn't be more simple! But we let our greed and self love get in the way of our own salvation. We would rather sit in our messed up lives then have to believe. It's really disgusting.
Well anyways a person's rantings can't save anyone. Only the Holy Spirit can guide a soul to salvation. I pray that wherever you are and what ever life you are living that you would stop and ask God to save you. I pray that you would wake up and realize that this life isn't all there is. That there is something far greater and far more meaningful and fulfilling than this life. I pray that you would know that you CAN'T save yourself and that you need God! I pray that you would start to seek Him and pray to Him and be healed from your sicknesses and your hurts and your sufferings. I pray that you would be saved from your addictions and from your thoughts that are trying to ruin you. God can do it! Do you believe? Will you ask Him or would you rather roll the dice and wait for.... the perfect time. What are you waiting for? You have nothing to loose and eternity to gain. It's really very simple! We just make things difficult!
Thursday, June 23, 2011
God is so faithful. He gave me this image of life and I wanted to share it with you. I have three of the most adorable children ever. I was watching them play the other day and wondering why they do some of the silly things they do. They were filling up these plastic water bottles with water and running around the yard trying to get each other wet. I said to my husband, "why do kids do weird things like that? They get the biggest kick out of mindless games." Well sure enough someone got hurt. Holly my only girl came toward me as slowly as possible because she was so wounded, or so she wanted me to think. She was screaming in pain and trying to tell me what happened. Some how she slipped on one of the plastic bottles and fell on her back. I prayed with her and held her for a little while until her older brother came over and gave her a hug and asked if she wanted to go play again. I thought there was no way I would go back out there but she stopped crying and her voice was just as if nothing had happened and she ran back outside with her brother. What in the world is that? Kids are so funny! They play these silly games and if experience has taught them anything it's that typically someone will get hurt while playing, right? Does that stop them from wanting to have fun, not at all. They seem to enjoy the fun so much that when the pain comes it's almost worth the cost. Has it been so long since I was a child that I have forgotten how to enjoy life and just have fun? Has the pain gotten so bad that I have just removed myself from joy and laughter because I am anticipating the pain that is bound to happen? I think I forgot that this life doesn't come with guarantee's. There is pain in this life and that is a fact but does that mean we should stop having fun and just focus on the pain? I don't know about you but that just sounds ridiculous to me.
Thank You Lord for my children and for their carefree view on life. Thank You for my life as crazy as it is right now and please help me not to take these days for granted. Time is precious and so is life and I know that you would rather us enjoy the time we have here than to focus on the pain and suffering of this life. You are so good to us. Teach us to live more like little children. Rain or shine, pain or joy, help us to trust that you are in control and will be with us. In Jesus name amen!
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
I am angry. I'm not fearful, just feel like at any moment I could blow up. Our family has been trying so hard to get back to life as usual and it seems that's not going to happen now. Kenny and I decided after many clear MRI's that we would trust that God has restored Kenny's health and we should get back to our life. Before that decision I was going to school and trying to get prepared to take over the provider role because the doctors told us we would only have 3 years. Things were well on their way with Kenny all set up for financial aid and enrolled for fall quarter 2011. Then we went in for another MRI and plans changed in an instant.
How am I supposed to react? My best friend, my husband and the father of my children is going to have another brain surgery. He is going to be treated again for cancer. I can't fall apart because my children need me to keep it together. I can't pray because I don't know why God would bring this back. I really truly was starting to believe that we would be the lucky ones. That God had mercy on us and saved our family from being torn apart by this silent killer.
I don't know what to say I am weak! I have to say how I am feeling because if I hold it in any longer I will become something I don't want to be, bitter. I know that I have a choice to make. I know that this can go two different ways. I can hang on to my anger and let it build up in my heart until I become hard and lose my compassion and my love, or I can be weak and cry and trust that while this may hurt a lot, God is in control and He loves my family and He will be with us as we walk throw this fire again. It's sounds so easy when I type these words but you and I both know it's so hard!
So please don't expect me to be strong. Please don't expect me to respond the way you think I should. I can only be me and that is someone who is hurt and confused. I will try to pray I will seek God and I will not walk away! God has done so many good things in my life that I can't deny Him. He restored my marriage, He gave me back my baby when doctors told me I had lost him, He has provided for our every need while we went through the first battle with cancer and He will be with us through this battle too!
God please help me. Please forgive me for the times I have lost my temper or snapped at someone who didn't deserve it. I am so weak and I need you. I want to trust you please help me to believe. Don't let bitterness build up in my heart. I need Your strength to feel this weak!!!
Monday, June 6, 2011
There are a lot of Christians out there who think that they just have to read the Word and everything will be OK. Where in the bible does it say that if you chant these verses like a magic spell that things will just happen? Proverbs is a great place to start doing instead of just reading because the name of the book is PRO...Verbs... Come on people a verb is an action word!!!
It took me a long time to figure out that life was more than just whats happening with me. It took me even longer to figure out that the only One who could help wasn't a doctor with his/her own television show. Yes it has been a long time since Jesus walked the Earth but we are to NOT lose heart! We have fallen so far away from God. I know Jesus is coming back because I see the signs, do you?
He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly Proverbs 13:24. Parents don't think for one second that if you refrain from disciplining your child that they will love you more. In fact the opposite is true. We are responsible to God for how we raise our children.
Don't put off till tomorrow that which can be done today!!!! BIBLE Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth!!! Ignorance is not bliss because we live in a nation where God and His Word can be found if we seek Him with all our hearts. We will have no excuse when we stand before our Lord on that day. He will say "what did you do with the life I gave you?" If we just lived for ourselves we have been wicked servants.
God help us all to be good stewards of our time on this planet. We are so blessed in this rich nation but the enemy would have us look at all the bad things in our own lives instead of remembering the GOOD! God we are living in a modern day Babylon, like frogs in a pot that is slowly being turned up to boiling so are we. Help us to move!!! Help us to PRAY!!! WE NEED YOU GOD.
Things in this life can be unclear. We are so use to the quick fix. We have been spoiled with all this technology that delivers fast, fast, fast into our everyday lives. When things start to seem unclear as we're heading down this highway of our lives we should clean the windshield off, right? fortunately we have windshield whippers so we don't need to pull over (or unfortunately). But what if you're out of cleaning fluid? Aha, now you have to pull your fast car over and clean that windshield!
Slow down and pay attention to the little things that you've been neglecting as you try to take on the world. So you'll be late to your meeting. Better to be a little late than not show up at all because you've been horribly mangled in an automobile accident. Sorry about all the car analogy's, we've been experiencing some car troubles recently.
I have been questioning why we choose not to do things God's way. I think I've figured out a few of the reasons why. God rarely works fast, especially when He's trying to change a person's life around. It took people a lot of years to get that banged up and wounded and it will take time to heal. We hate those words!!! We really hate those words. "Take time to heal are you kiddin' me I have to work, I have a dead-line to meet, I have a life to live."
That's where things start to get shady and unclear. We think the sooner we get back to life as usual the better. So, in the name of the "quick fix" we try every remedy and "pill" from here to kingdom come. But maybe, just maybe, God wants you to slow down. Maybe He has been trying to get your attention and you've been so connected to e-mails and facebook and cell phones and those quick fix remedies that you haven't been listening. Hmm...?
I've seen those ad's on TV and the side effects and the possibilities that you could be doing more harm than good are ridiculous. Just wait on the Lord. Wait and pray and know that He is the same God that saved the Israelites out of Egypt and the same God that created, that little thing we call, THE UNIVERSE.
OK so now your car is broken your heart is hurting and you have the flu. Yeah you better slow down because there is something you are missing and God is trying to get you to listen. What better time then now? Isn't it funny how we "can't miss this call" but we are willing to put off praying to our creator.
God we are so like sheep. We just see that greener pasture and we run for it at full speed without even noticing that danger is lurking just over that hill getting further and further away from our shepherd as we run. God help us to follow You and only You. We are so distracted by the things in this world. We just need to keep our eyes on You and trust that you will be the light unto our paths and our fortress of defense.
The enemy is so good at distracting us and keeping us chasing that dollar. He loves to see us put school and work and even our own health issues above God. Because when we do that he knows that he's won half the battle.
We are so forgetful when it comes to things God has done in our lives but the bad stuff is right out in the front. We dwell on the negative when we should be remembering the positive. Please don't forget the things the Lord has done for you. I'll remind you of one right now. He gave His One and Only Son in your place. Jesus paid the debt you owed so that your sins may be forgiven. Praise the Lord! If you have nothing else to be thankful for than that, I'd say you are blessed!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
You broke my heart the other day. I was holding on so tight while You gentley pulled me away. Once I was free it scared the life out of me. I fell for a while; hurting, trembling crying. But somehow You knew just what to do.
It's hard to believe what You've done, born to us Your One and only Son. Holy and pure, loving and true. You came to suffer the pain and make us all brand new.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Lord, I know you are in control. I have seen you do some amazing things. Why is it so hard for me to trust? I know you know the pain I am having and I know you've heard my prayers for help. It's just the waiting part that is really getting to me. I want to believe Lord help my unbelief. I will follow you no matter what the outcome is God because without you I have no hope. You are the only reason I am still here today. You have saved me from some pretty horrible situations and I am truly grateful. You are God and in the end You are God. Better to be suffering with You than without You. If You choose this for me for awhile then so be it. Your will be done God not mine. Please just strengthen me and give me Your peace. I couldn't make it through one day with out You. There are a lot of people suffering in the world tonight and in a lot worse pain than mine. I have a roof over my head and food in my belly and the love of my family. I am rich! I pray you would keep my from whining too much and take away these fears of the future. I Love You Lord and I owe You all of me. In Your son Jesus' name Amen!
Thursday, January 6, 2011
I had a horrible night sleep. Josiah is sick and his fever spiked during the night and he was just so miserable. He slept on the couch so he didn't keep Keegan and Holly up. This being the 5th night he's slept on the couch Kenny and I decided that both of us would sleep on the floor next to him. Comfy? Not a chance! But I just kept thinking how horrible Joisah felt and my comfort was not an issue any more. Josiah's fever would go down but his struggle wouldn't subside, because next he would go into a coughing fit. He struggled so much last night that I was considering going in to the E.R., and who wants to do that? After hours of praying and pleading with God to heal Josiah's sickness at about 4:45 in the morning he finally calmed down and rested peacefully. Kenny and I had been trying to take turns on who would tend to Josiah so the other could get some rest but in the end we were both up the whole night. So Here I am now at 6:15am blogging about my horrible night sleep when I could be sleeping myself.
The house is quiet now and everyone is fast asleep except for me. I can't stop thinking about every single person I know. I keep praying for everyone and wondering if sleep will ever find me again. Not tonight I guess, or this morning would be more accurate. I have nothing to offer anyone of my friends or family as they struggle with their own pains and sicknesses. I can only pray that they cry out to God and let Him save them from their suffering. He's the only one who can, He's the only one who has all the answers. There is power in prayer!
To all my friends and family who are struggling right now with pain and sufferings please know I am praying for you. I don't have all the answers and I don't know why some seem to suffer more than others but I do know the One who does know all things. God loves you too and more than anyone in this dark world could. He wants to help you and be your savior but He wont force Himself on anyone, it's not His nature. Bring all your burdens to Him because He wants to carry you through this. He wants to show you a better way. He wants you to believe in what He did for you so many years ago. He knows that this world is full of sin and darkness, He knew that from the beginning. That's why He made a way of escape for all of us through His Son Jesus Christ who paid for our sins on the cross. I know that right now you don't want to see your sins because someone else's sin is what led you to your sin right? You just worry about your right standing with God and know that He is a Just and righteous God and He knows who hurt you and one day He will wipe away every tear from every eye and there will be no more pain or sadness. Have faith my love that He will deal with everyone according to their own works.
Monday, January 3, 2011
God my heart is broken for those who don't know You or think they know You but really don't. God You are the same yesterday, today and forever and I think our nation has watered down Your word and changed it to fit their own lives. It's sad because they will loose their soul if they don't figure that out. God it is so easy for our nation to find You. All's anyone has to do is pick up the Bible and read and pray for understanding. Other nations aren't so lucky they can't just pick up a Bible when they want to because a lot of places have outlawed Your word. Who needs to know that You are the One and Only True God? What other religions do you know of that are outlawed? What other religions do you know that are as controversial as Christianity? Not too many people can handle the Truth. Jesus' name offends sinners and they try to hide from Him because He reveals sin and that can sting. He is the light in this dark world and darkness hates light. Guess what people I have news for you... you are not the only one that has broken one of his laws. Everybody sins and falls short of the glory of God. That's why He sent His Son to die for our sins. Jesus died, He died for you. He was so much in love with you that he died for you before you were born. He knew you would have so much pain and heartache in this world because of sin and He knew that sin would destroy us all so He came and He opened the eyes of the blind and healed the sick and dying He forgave sins and He paid the price for us all. We don't have to suffer in this life anymore because He rose again and will come again to judge the living and the dead. When that happens what side will you be on? Will you be among the believers who lived their lives for Christ or will you be one of the ones who hear, "Depart from me for I never knew you". I pray that you will be among the ones singing praises to our Lord for all eternity.
There is a God and He created everything you see and everything you don't see. There is a devil and he wants you too. He wants to keep you from ever knowing Jesus. He is the father of lies and the author of confusion. He will do whatever it takes to keep you in your sin. He will tell you that God still loves you if you just sin a little bit, you're really a good person and that's all that matters. It's not like you've killed anyone. God will still be there when your 60 so you can give him your life then. You'll still be around you are invincible. Don't worry about God right now.
A sin is a sin and whatever is holding you back from a relationship with Jesus Christ I pray right now that you would surrender it to Him who can redeem all things. God desires that none would parish but He left that part up to us. What will you choose? What is worth eternal damnation to you? What are you willing to give up heaven for? God save us all.