Wednesday, August 26, 2009

A tale from my past.

I can't get this song out of my head. It keeps playing over and over again. It's five o'clock in the morning and my mind is fully awake with song, and here comes the show toons.... Funny how meaningless jargon floods your brain. Music is my therapy session, but not right now. The only music I hear is this darn show toon! I feel like a CD is skipping in my head. That could drive a person crazy. I'm just sitting here in my bright yellow robe, sipping my luke warm coffee. I don't want to drink it too fast because I love it's company and it's great smell and yummy taste. Of course if I drink it too slowly it will get cold and then I can't drink it. Weird because the taste is the same and if I add a little ice it would be an iced coffee. OK there is some coffee talk for ya. At least I finally got that song out of my head, no wait, it's back.

This day is different from other days, for one thing it's still dark outside and I'm awake. It's different because it's quiet. The two loves of my life, 3 year old Keegan and 1 year old Holly, are still asleep in their beds. I feel different today, like I haven't felt before. What is it? It's comfort. I'm comfortable? Well, yes and something else, comfort by itself wouldn't be so different. I've been comfortable before. Happy? Well, I'm not sad. Yes, I'm definitely happy. Happy and comfortable. Oh yeah that's nice. I haven't felt this way in.... What day is it? Thursday that's right. November 16th 2006, day after Kenny's birthday. Wow, time can fly. You know I miss you. Oh great there goes the happy right out the window. Hold on a minute somebody just opened up the emotional flood gates. OK I'm fine now.

I just got the best Christmas CD at Walmart last night. Christmas with the rat pack. I love the old time Christmas songs. They bring back memories of my childhood. Not that I love memories of my childhood, but Christmas time is magical. It can drown out the bad things with visions of twinkling lights in dimly lit rooms full of festive decorations and ornaments. Smells of tasty food and drinks surround everything. Soft music plays and people laugh and tell stories while children run and play around a big tree with lots of presents wrapped underneath and hope and love fill your heart. Oh I love those memories. It's hard to listen to Christmas songs now. I never thought there would be a time when I didn't want Christmas to come. My head hurts. The sun is coming up now. I'd better start moving. I need to take a shower and do my hair. The living room is a mess with toys and shoes and that box in the corner. It keeps sitting there day after day. I put it there you know. It's full of pictures and baby books and frames and board games. I packed it a while ago. We almost moved. Kenny couldn't go back to work for a month after.... So, he said lets move and he even started to look for a new job. Then he went back to work, so there sits the box. Maybe I'll unpack it today, or maybe not. OK I'm getting up now. I'll talk to you latter.

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