It Takes Courage To Comfort

Grief is hard! Pain comes on sometimes seemingly out of the blue.  It’s been almost 29 weeks since Kenny died and I thought after some time had passed that it would get easier to deal with. Not the case, at least not today.

This week was especially difficult. We went camping with our church for our annual 'family camp.' I was expecting to have a great time but I had no idea how emotional this trip would be for me. Maybe I was naïve. Probably! I am not one to cower away from camping easily no matter what the circumstances. But this being the first time I went without my husband it was almost too much to handle, almost, if it wasn’t for my church family and my God.

I had this dream the last night of family camp. We were at a fair somewhere and I saw Kenny in a crowd of people. He was standing in line eating fair food. I did a double take to make sure I wasn’t mistaken. Right away the kids ran up to hug him. He looked the same but different. He was still bald but his face wasn’t swollen at all. His smile was definitely the same. He introduced me to this friendly woman who was standing to his right. I had never seen her before but Kenny seemed to know her. He said, “We got to come back.” I didn’t ask for how long, I assumed just a short time, maybe a day. I finally went up to give him a hug and I started telling him how hard things were down here without him. He hugged me for a moment then backed away. I woke up after that.

It was like 4 in the morning because the sky was lighter but the sun hadn’t come up yet. I got dressed and headed for the beach with my bible in tow. I knew the kids would be out for at least 4 more hours since we stayed up late the night before watching shooting stars fly across the sky. I needed to talk to God! I felt like I had been waiting for this dream since Kenny passed away. I dreamed of him before but the dreams were always before Kenny died or as if he had never died. God was the only one who could help me understand and deal with this.

The birds were extra talkative this morning as I sat and listened to the breeze and the fishermen passing by. I heard splashing as fish jumped up out of the water to get their yummy breakfast. I started crying as I talked to God. I read Psalm 88 and related to the writers’ pain and cried even more. I asked God for guidance and He told me to praise Him. “Praise You,” I said, “Give me something to praise You for and I will.” I know that is the wrong attitude to have. I am weak, God knows.

A few days later I found myself exhausted and feeling defeated. I prayed and read my devotionals but my faith was failing me. In that moment I thought every bad thought you could think about life and about God and all this pain that was overtaking me. I wanted to see the promise God had given me. I wanted to see the Everlasting Kindness that He promised to me back in February (Isaiah 54:4-8). I couldn’t handle any more. Then my phone rang.

I don’t really know why I answered my phone since I was feeling especially anti-social, or as my friend Melissa would say, reclusive. It was Melissa on the other end of the line and she asked how I was doing. I gave her the usual fine, but she knew I was lying. She insisted I tell her what was wrong so I said, “My husband is dead!” I’m sure the thought, "get off the phone quickly," passed through her mind. It would mine if I heard that on the other end of the phone. It took great courage for her to stay on the line as I was being extra snippy. But she pressed through my response and she said, “I miss him too,” and she started to cry. My hardness cracked and I started crying too. She listened to me complain and pour out my heart. I told her I was jealous because I was stuck here and Kenny is surrounded by perfect love. There is no crying no heart ache no problems and I am left here to deal with all this craziness! Where was my promise from God?

After I unloaded on her, mind you she's never experienced something like what I'm dealing with, she comforted me by telling me how she's seen God change me. She shared how she watched Him get me through some of the darkest times by my clinging onto Him by faith.  She confessed she didn't know exactly what I was going through but she told me she knew without a shadow of a doubt that I wouldn't be angry and bitter forever. 

When she addressed my question, where was my promise from God, she said, "Alyscia, maybe you've got a preconceived idea of what God's promises are suppose to look like in your life." Immediately I knew she was right. I had been expecting to see specific things. I thought God's promise to me would look a certain way. I thought there could only be one way for His Everlasting Kindness to be proved in my eyes. Wow, how ridiculous of me. I found at the end of our conversation, though my circumstances were unchanged, I felt so much better. God gave me a friend who wouldn't scare away when pain caused my heart to harden. I knew in that moment, she was God's Everlasting Kindness towards me.  

Sometimes we can get squeamish at the sight of blood. We can take offense when others lash out at us because their pain is so intense. It takes great courage to be willing to comfort a bleeding heart, especially when you've never experienced anything similar. People say when you've been through the fire you become a comfort to others in their time of fire. But I say if you have God on your side you can be a comfort to anyone no matter what your experience with fire. 

Praise You Lord for Your faithfulness to me even when I am of little faith. Thank You for my friend! Lord You are good and You are loving. You comfort me and You strengthen me. You are my strong tower and fortress of defense. You are my rock and my shield. You are my God in Whom I will trust! I will sing praises to Your name forever! Thank You for everything You've done for me. Thank You for my salvation through faith in Your Son Jesus Christ. Even if the rest of my life is a trial by fire my I be found singing when the evening comes!