What Can Fill This Giant Hole?

There are days when I am OK and then there are days when I am so not OK. It's been 79 days since I lost my husband, and no I don't count everyday I calculate just on days I am not OK. I took the kids to a parade the other day and there were a lot of people there. Not one of them was the one person I wanted to see. In the whole wide world there are a lot of people and every single one of them is not Kenny. There will never be another Kenny. I look at my children and think how they will never see their daddy again on this planet. To a child that is an insane amount of time that they can't even fathom. I pray the Lord will come back sooner than later for all of our sake!

I have been desperately trying to find something to fill this hole in my heart. I know the Lord can fill the hole, He is my everything! But I know we all try to tangibly fill our hurts with things or people or substances or emotions or whatever. Someday's it feels like there is nothing I can do to make this pain any less. Crying is the only thing I can do in times like that. And then somehow after I cry, knowing Kenny is with the Lord, and knowing God weeps with me when I am sad, I feel better. So maybe it isn't about filling the hole in my heart. Maybe my heart is fully the same only sorrow has been added to it. So now whenever I cry I can let some of that sorrow out and decrease the total amount of sorrow on my heart. Maybe? 

Lord You are the only one who understands me! You are the only one who loves me so much that every time I need to cry You cry too. You never leave my side and You never let me down! You are amazing to me. I truly cannot wait for the day this will all be a fading memory and we will all sing praise to You for Your amazing love.