Did I Just Do That?

Plain as day! I knew exactly why my wrist was swollen and blue. I lost my temper at my little tribe and I struck the rock. I have lost my temper with the kids before but did I really just do that?
It was Monday night and the kids and I had just gotten home from 'bridges' which is a center for grieving children who have lost a parent or parental caretaker type person. It was a school night and I was trying to get the kids all in bed as quickly as possible so I could lay down and cry. I was emotionally exhausted after an evening of talking about my loss and hearing about other peoples losses and I just wanted to curl up in my bed and cry. But my children were being children and not going down without a fight. I don't mean an actual fight, they were just doing the whole; can we have a story, I need a drink, will you pray for my eleven owies, tell me about when I was a baby.... routine. It finally came down to, "Mommy can I go get a stuffed animal to snuggle?" So I said yes but come right back up stairs because it's late and mommy is very tired. Big happy faced children ran down the stairs into the playroom to get their cuddly little friends. And what I thought would bring a nice peaceful end to our very long day ended up leading to a big ugly mommy moment.

Screams came from down stairs followed by loud crying that was unmistakably Josiah my youngest. Next came the obnoxious noise of a little girl trying to make sure her mommy heard her yelling, "J-O-S-I-A-H are you OK?" We had just recently gone over the importance of thinking of others before yourself and helping the injured victim instead of running away or crying because you did something wrong and 'now-you're-gonna-get-it' so head for the hills, routine. So after I called to them both, from up stairs, about a hundred times (slight exaggeration) I figured with all the screaming they couldn't hear me so my anger got the best of me and I went to smack the wall to get their attention. Well being the super coordinated person I am' I hit my wrist instead of the palm of my hand. Almost instantaneously my wrist started to swell like I've never seen before. I mean I thought for sure I was going to bleed to death internally. Well maybe not but my blue and puffy wrist got the attention of my boisterous little ones and they quickly got into bed. Holly felt really bad and was crying hysterically but I was literally in no state to deal with her so God took over and she fell asleep pretty quickly. Praise the Lord.

I couldn't believe my out burst and how badly I represented the Lord to my children. God reminded me of a story I read in the bible. In the book of Number chapter 20 the children of Israel were complaining to Moses and Aaron because they had no water to drink and they were hot and probably pretty cranky. So Moses and Aaron go to the Lord and fall on their faces. They took their troubles to God and the glory of the Lord appeared to them. Starting in verse 7, "Then the Lord spoke to Moses, saying, Take the rod; you and your brother Aaron gather the congregation together. Speak to the rock before their eyes, and it will yield its water; thus you shall bring water for them out of the rock, and give drink to the congregation and their animals." Then in verse 10 it says, "And Moses and Aaron gathered the assembly together before the rock; and he said to them, 'Hear now, you rebels! Must we bring water for you out of this rock?' Then Moses lifted his hand and struck the rock twice with his rod; and water came out abundantly, and the congregation and their animals drank. Then the Lord spoke to Moses and Aaron, "Because you did not believe Me, to hallow Me in the eyes of the children of Israel, therefore you shall not bring this assembly into the land which I have given them." Later we read that Moses, because of his misrepresentation of the Lord to the people of Israel, was never allowed to pass into the land the Lord had promised His people.

I've always thought that was a harsh punishment for Moses to have to receive for all the years of toiling in the hot desert sun with all those cranky ungrateful sinners. But God takes it very seriously when we misrepresent Him. See God loves my kids a lot more than I ever could and He knows that they are hurting and mourning the loss of their daddy. He knows when they are tired and cranky. He understands that they just needed me to go downstairs and talk to them. Things would have turned out a whole lot better for my left arm if I had just walked down there and spoke to my little tribe of sinners. I knew better and I chose in the blink of an eye to do it my way instead of His.

My wrist didn't hurt right away, probably because my nerves were all still in a state of shock from the mighty blow. 6 days later, now Sunday, my whole arm is feeling the punishment I inflicted on myself. Shooting pains were going all the way up to my shoulder all day long. Finally at home fellowship I showed my shame to everyone present and told them how it happened. I knew I deserved to feel every bit of that pain because of my bad decision. I asked for prayer for my wrist and the shooting pain that was at that moment driving me crazy! I was a little shocked when the Pastor paused his prayer and said to me, "bring your wrist over here." He whipped out his little bottle of oil and anointed my wrist. Literally seconds later the shooting pain stopped. My big ugly bruise was still very much visible but the pain was gone. I have never in my life experienced something like that! I have had all kinds of prayer for all kinds of ailments but I have never had such a miraculous healing occur. I wasn't sure what I was feeling was really real so I didn't say anything just then but later when I got home and the kids were getting ready for bed after I had some time to feel-it-out so to speak I text the pastor. I said the shooting pain in my wrist is gone Praise the Lord, so unworthy but still He loves me!

God saw my nasty bad behavior, He knew I misrepresented Him in front of my impressionable little children. I deserved that pain, I accepted what I did was wrong and I knew I had to suffer the consequences for my actions. So why in the world would He heal me? Because God is Love. So maybe God knew Moses was tired and weary. Maybe He knew it wouldn't be long anyways until his life would come to an end. Maybe He wanted to show the Israelite's just how important it is to Hallow the name of the Lord. Honor God in all your ways and it will be well with your soul. Maybe God used Moses His servant to teach the wandering tribe of Israel one last nugget of truth before they would inherit a land they didn't deserve. Hallow the name of the Lord! Whatever God's reason I am sure beyond the shadow of a doubt that it was for GOOD and not harm. We are all so unworthy but still He loves us, forever our hearts should sing of how great HE IS! All glory, honor, and power are YOURS, Amen.