Convincing Me

I hate crying! I hate feeling sad! I try so hard to avoid being sad. To let one tear fall would open flood gates that I might not be able to close. Do you want to know the truth? I blog to convince myself of what I believe. I try to avoid the tears by searching to understand God's truth behind the pain I'm feeling. I don't start out with this great faith and certainty that God is good and everything will be fine. I'm not that strong! God uses my strange obsession with blogging as a way to help me understand His truths and apply them into my life. Then every once in awhile someone will comment and say how they were encouraged or how they can relate and that is so cool but so not my intention. I love you all don't get me wrong, and I praise the Lord that you were encouraged, but my motives for blogging are a bit more selfish.

I am so weak and so fearful, but God can somehow take my weaknesses and fears and turn them into strengths and victories. I remember the first time I tried to pull start my lawn mower. It took me like 25 tries maybe more before the stupid thing would start. I didn't want to mow my lawn, and actually some friends were on their way over to help me do some yard work. But I was angry and needed to do something or else I might have exploded. So I took out my aggression productively. Not what my tendency is most times but God is able to control even my explosive anger when I acknowledge His presence and try to live by His words regardless of how I'm feeling.

You'd think after blogging a couple times I would figure it out. You'd think after 90 plus posts I would be an expert believer. Nope, not me. I keep coming back to post more and convince myself again that God is with me and He loves me and He will never leave me. This blog might come to an end but my need to convince myself of God's truths will never end! Having faith is hard work! Letting yourself despair and feel depressed is easy, at first. 

When I was a kid I remember how some friends and I rode our bikes down this steep hill. It was so much fun to feel the wind on our faces as we raced to the bottom. It was so easy to go down the hill, we didn't even have to petal, we just coasted all the way down. But then we looked up from the bottom of that hill and boy did it seem so much bigger and steeper than it did coming down. We wondered if our moment of speed was worth the climb back up to the top. 

In life we always have two choices, to believe or not to believe. To take the higher, seemingly more difficult road, or take the lower seemingly easier road. One road leads to the top of a mountain where the view is breathtaking, but it takes effort and skill and can be treacherous and leave you with more than a few bumps and bruises. Or we can take the other effortless road that may be fun at first as you fly down at top speeds but it eventually leads to the bottom of deep and dark scary pit. 

Faith isn't easy but it is rewarded! God says in His Word, without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. (Hebrews 11:6)

What are the rewards that the diligent will find? Peace, hope, faith, joy, and love, just to name a few. Welcome to the mountain top. Now take in the majestic view and see that you have become a new creation. You were faithful to follow Him through the difficult road and now you come to the end of your journey and you hear Almighty God say to you as He looks lovingly in your eyes, "Well done My Good and faithful servant." Yes you fought the good fight, you've finished your race and you've kept the faith. (2Tim 4:7)