Indescribable Unbelievable

I don't even know where to begin. In the dark of night He is Lord!

Many of you have already heard the news. but for those who haven't I will share it with you. It's not the kind of news a person likes to hear but non the less hear it is. Kenny had another MRI scan on Oct 7th and we went in for results on Oct 13th. I started crying in the waiting room before we even saw the nurse let alone the doctor. I don't know why I just felt so weak and overwhelmingly sad. We were taken back to the room where the doctor would come in to tell us the results. We waited, I don't know how long but time didn't seem to matter. When the doctor finally came in he looked right at me and asked if I was OK. I just shook my head yes and looked away. If I spoke I might have lost it. Kenny was strong as ever and he just said to the doctor, "She just hates result day." I don't even know how many of these days we've had in the last two and half years. It never gets easy.

"Well," the doctor says as he pulls up Kenny's MRI scan on the computer, "This is definitely concerning." I couldn't even look at the screen. I didn't want to. This doctor has been with us since the beginning of this trial and he is as sweet as they come. He always has such a warming look on his face but today his face showed a different look. He was concerned. There was a lot of talk about this treatment and that treatment and even another surgery but Kenny just wanted to know one question. "How long?" The sweet doctor danced around a bit about percentages and said every person and every case is different but... He quietly said as if to soften the blow, "Ten months." Kenny just looked at him and looked at me and ask, "with treatment?" And the doctor said, "yes, with treatment." "So, he continued, "you can take your choice of treatments and here is what I would recommend, but eventually we will loose this battle."

So there it is, as soft or as calmly as the message can be delivered it still leaves you wounded. Questions will start to flood your mind now as you try to grasp on to anything logical for support. But the sad truth is there is no explanation, no logical answer and no escaping these results.

Our children don't know these results and I beg you to please be careful about your children hearing you talk about these results. Kenny and I have decided to wait for if or when there is a noticeable difference in his health before we tell the kids what is happening. Little ears are listening even when we don't realize it.

So the last week or so has kind of blown past like a whirlwind, people offering prayer and meals and more prayer and groceries and support and everything in between. They all say, "tell me what to do and I'll do it." "Ask and you shall receive, anything we are there for you guys, all the way, 100 percent." You know we would say the same things to any of you. And we know that this news hurts more than just our family. You all have been so wonderful and loving and generous to us. You have taught us what true friends are what true Christians are! But the truth is I just want one thing and not one person can deliver that. We know God is in control and He will decide whether or not Kenny will stay here or go home. But it still hurts, a lot!!! Please be patient with me I really don't know what to say when asked that question. I know you have the best intentions and I love you all so much. A person couldn't ask for a better group of family and friends than you all. I will come up with something for you to do I promise. Until then your prayers are needed so desperately.

So I spent all day yesterday crying, all day! I couldn't stop. I road with Kenny to pick up Josiah from preschool and sat in the car so no one would see my red blotchy face. I felt so weak and then Josiah climbed into the car tears in his eyes crying, "my teacher yelled at me." I got out of the car and held Josiah and told Kenny, "You better go find out what the heck happened or I will." Kenny calmly walked over to the teacher and they talked for a few minutes and he walked back over to the car and explained the situation. Well you can guess that Josiah wasn't listening to his teacher. She told Kenny that he had been warned 4 times and he kept on doing what he wasn't supposed to do. I knew it was probably his fault but you should have seen his little face. And I was in a very compassionate state for my little guy. He could have asked for anything in that moment and I would have said yes. Well my temporary explosive anger turned into a lesson from God. There is no good reason to unleash your pain on someone else. Check, got that one loud and clear. Good thing Kenny was there to intervene for me or I would have felt worse after yelling at my son's preschool teacher.

The lessons didn't stop there.

I am in a class with this guy who I could read the moment I looked at him. He is clearly full of himself and loud and opinionated and wouldn't you know it, we get put in a group together to do our class project. Oh gee whiz this is going to be interesting. Well this Monday we were going to have a test on chapters 4 and 6 in our books and I had been so busy crying and worrying about my math homework that I forgot all about my business test. Oh great Lord! Now I am going to fail. I am going to FAIL! This is just perfect. This was my prayer in the car as I drove all the way to school on Monday night. I even text Jenny to complain to her about it. She assured me that God was in control and that He knew this was going to happen. So I changed my prayer. I prayed, "OK God you are in control and you knew this would happen so please help me now. I don't want to fail my test but I didn't read any of my book. Go before me Lord and prepare my way." I got to class that night about 3 minutes late (big shock right Alyscia, Late, never!) well there were all my classmates but, where was the teacher? Then I saw that guy from my group. You know the one? Well he said that class had been canceled so we should just go over some of our ideas for the group project since we were all there. Oh wow! No test? This is amazing! I can't believe this!! I really can't believe this. God you did it! You went before me and look I don't have to take my test. I am so amazed that you did this for little old me. I was just yelling at you in the car and you still loved me enough to bless me and answer my prayer. Wow Thank You God!!!

So tonight my teacher was in class and we took our test and I didn't stress too much about it because of what I had witnessed two nights before. My teacher told the class why he wasn't in class the night before last. He said he had some medical issues and after some tests he was told he had a tumor in his bladder. Well apparently after a scope went in to find out what kind of tumor it was, the tech said well there seems to be nothing here. You don't have a tumor. So I guess he was celebrating and that's why he didn't come into class. Strange hu?

So after the test I had a chance to tell the teacher about my situation. I had told some of my group members last time when class had been canceled and they were nice about it. Lucky them, they get the girl with all the baggage in their group. I told the teacher and he said as long as your group is OK with this I think I can make it so that you can do your school work from home so you can spend as much time with your husband as you want to and you wont have to worry about financial aid giving you problems. I was so overwhelmed and speechless I didn't know what to say as everyone in my group nodded in agreement. I was amazed at how the Lord was working everything out for me. He was here for me, He wasn't going to overwhelm me with stress. He had a plan to help me stay in school and finish my classes without me feeling guilty for not being around for Kenny and the kids. He was moving mountains for me because he loves me.

I walked out to my car in the dark of the night and I looked up at the sky and told God Thank you!

But God wasn't done yet.

Then I heard a voice from behind me. It was that guy from my class, the one who I pegged as full of himself and opinionated. He walked over to me and said, "so this is kind of a personal question but I was wondering if you had any support, you know some people or friends to help you out during this crazy time?" I said yes I had a wonderful church and family who were supporting us and loving us through this tough situation. He said, "oh that's good." "I was just wondering if you would be OK if I prayed with you right now or would you feel uncomfortable with that?" I said in shock, "NO not at all I would love that!" He began to pray with me the most wonderful prayer and all I could think about was how I had judged him. I was so ashamed! I didn't deserve this love. I was so wrong! He was such a nice person who was truly amazing. He walked over to me and ask me, not knowing that I was a Christian, boldly asked, if I would like some prayer. Wow! I am undone. He blessed me and I judged him. I can't believe my sinful heart. God why are you so good to me? I don't deserve it! I am a fool. Please forgive me.

I am in the midst of this giant trial and God is with me! God is loving me through this great big life altering trial and still correcting me along the way. Who can do that but God? I wish you could have seen first hand all these wonderful things that the Lord has done just for me in the last few days.

So that's my story, my indescribable unbelievable story. GOD is so good! I love being a Christian! I couldn't imagine going through life without God! Things might not be perfect but with God on our side what can go wrong?