Restless

I had a horrible night sleep. Josiah is sick and his fever spiked during the night and he was just so miserable. He slept on the couch so he didn't keep Keegan and Holly up. This being the 5th night he's slept on the couch Kenny and I decided that both of us would sleep on the floor next to him. Comfy? Not a chance! But I just kept thinking how horrible Joisah felt and my comfort was not an issue any more. Josiah's fever would go down but his struggle wouldn't subside, because next he would go into a coughing fit. He struggled so much last night that I was considering going in to the E.R., and who wants to do that? After hours of praying and pleading with God to heal Josiah's sickness at about 4:45 in the morning he finally calmed down and rested peacefully. Kenny and I had been trying to take turns on who would tend to Josiah so the other could get some rest but in the end we were both up the whole night. So Here I am now at 6:15am blogging about my horrible night sleep when I could be sleeping myself.

The house is quiet now and everyone is fast asleep except for me. I can't stop thinking about every single person I know. I keep praying for everyone and wondering if sleep will ever find me again. Not tonight I guess, or this morning would be more accurate. I have nothing to offer anyone of my friends or family as they struggle with their own pains and sicknesses. I can only pray that they cry out to God and let Him save them from their suffering. He's the only one who can, He's the only one who has all the answers. There is power in prayer!

To all my friends and family who are struggling right now with pain and sufferings please know I am praying for you. I don't have all the answers and I don't know why some seem to suffer more than others but I do know the One who does know all things. God loves you too and more than anyone in this dark world could. He wants to help you and be your savior but He wont force Himself on anyone, it's not His nature. Bring all your burdens to Him because He wants to carry you through this. He wants to show you a better way. He wants you to believe in what He did for you so many years ago. He knows that this world is full of sin and darkness, He knew that from the beginning. That's why He made a way of escape for all of us through His Son Jesus Christ who paid for our sins on the cross. I know that right now you don't want to see your sins because someone else's sin is what led you to your sin right? You just worry about your right standing with God and know that He is a Just and righteous God and He knows who hurt you and one day He will wipe away every tear from every eye and there will be no more pain or sadness. Have faith my love that He will deal with everyone according to their own works.

What is it worth?

God how is it that you love us? Your love and patients amazes me. God You created this world and all that dwell in it. You did it with a beautiful plan in mind. You gave us free will and then You sent Your Son to save us from the bad choices we would make. You knew all along that we would be prideful, self centered, glory seeking sinners and You made a way of escape for us all. You are so good and we are so undeserving. I want to be Yours and do Your will because You saved me from myself. I know that choosing to follow You will mean that I will have to obey Your law's and Your direction for my life and I will submit to that.

God my heart is broken for those who don't know You or think they know You but really don't. God You are the same yesterday, today and forever and I think our nation has watered down Your word and changed it to fit their own lives. It's sad because they will loose their soul if they don't figure that out. God it is so easy for our nation to find You. All's anyone has to do is pick up the Bible and read and pray for understanding. Other nations aren't so lucky they can't just pick up a Bible when they want to because a lot of places have outlawed Your word. Who needs to know that You are the One and Only True God? What other religions do you know of that are outlawed? What other religions do you know that are as controversial as Christianity? Not too many people can handle the Truth. Jesus' name offends sinners and they try to hide from Him because He reveals sin and that can sting. He is the light in this dark world and darkness hates light. Guess what people I have news for you... you are not the only one that has broken one of his laws. Everybody sins and falls short of the glory of God. That's why He sent His Son to die for our sins. Jesus died, He died for you. He was so much in love with you that he died for you before you were born. He knew you would have so much pain and heartache in this world because of sin and He knew that sin would destroy us all so He came and He opened the eyes of the blind and healed the sick and dying He forgave sins and He paid the price for us all. We don't have to suffer in this life anymore because He rose again and will come again to judge the living and the dead. When that happens what side will you be on? Will you be among the believers who lived their lives for Christ or will you be one of the ones who hear, "Depart from me for I never knew you". I pray that you will be among the ones singing praises to our Lord for all eternity.

There is a God and He created everything you see and everything you don't see. There is a devil and he wants you too. He wants to keep you from ever knowing Jesus. He is the father of lies and the author of confusion. He will do whatever it takes to keep you in your sin. He will tell you that God still loves you if you just sin a little bit, you're really a good person and that's all that matters. It's not like you've killed anyone. God will still be there when your 60 so you can give him your life then. You'll still be around you are invincible. Don't worry about God right now.

A sin is a sin and whatever is holding you back from a relationship with Jesus Christ I pray right now that you would surrender it to Him who can redeem all things. God desires that none would parish but He left that part up to us. What will you choose? What is worth eternal damnation to you? What are you willing to give up heaven for? God save us all.

Undeserving people given the only gift that truly matters

I feel small and insignificant when I think about all the people in this world. I am just one. Why would a perfect and Holy God want anything to do with me? I didn’t always think that way. I used to think, “of course God wants to be with me. I mean I am an angel compared to all of those sinners out there”. I know it sounds completely ridiculous and arrogant and just plain dumb. I really did think that God loved me more than some people. I hate that I’m even typing these words because they are just so wrong! I was stuck in the mind frame that I was a good person that only occasionally sinned therefore I was loved more by God. I didn’t know God very well.

You see God came to this world in the most humble way. He was born into a poor family and was laid in a manger full of hay. Not because that was just what they had back then, far from. We can sometimes think that our generation is different compared to way back when. No, that time had its well to do class just like we have. God chose that specific place and time for His glorious entry into our world. Why? I think one of the reasons was because God knows people and He knows how our minds work. We segregate and separate people, we give classes and statuses to everyone and then we judge them based on our own thoughts and ideas. To help us see that every person matters to God he came down as a poor carpenters’ son. Wow God who created the universe came down to His creation, just the thought that He would come down to dwell with us is mind boggling.

God came to this world for the sinners, and guess what we are all a part of that category! God doesn’t discriminate. God died for the murderers, the thieves, the sexually immoral, and for the ignorant people. God offered every human being the chance to repent and be partakers of His gift of eternal life, that can’t be bought by our good deeds. No matter how good we claim to be we are still not good enough to measure up to God’s perfect standard. God gave us life and then he gave us a choice to follow His way or go our own way and everyone has chosen at one point or another to go their own way. We are all sinners in need of a savior. Then God, knowing that we would chose wrong, sent His son to take on all our sin for us so that if we believed that He died for our sins we could be eternally with God in heaven. Wow! I just don’t know any other gift that compares to God’s gift of love in Jesus Christ.

Thank You God for Your forgiveness. God thank You for Jesus and thank You that You made a way of escape for me. You brought me out of my ignorance and restored my life. Please help us all to see You for who You truly are. We are nothing without You God. You are good and You are Holy and yet You wish to be a part of each and every person’s life. Belief in Your Son and repentance is the key to that relationship with You, father please help us all to sin no more. This Christmas I want to give You all of me. I want to submit all I am to You because You gave all for me. I love You Lord and I am forever in Your debt and that is a place I will be happy to stay for all my life, in Your precious Son’s name Amen.

The S word

It is definitely not what I wanted to hear but it was certainly what I needed! Submission, not a word you are just overjoyed to hear but without it you can't get a deeper relationship with our Lord. Jesus is the ultimate example of submission and brokenness. Brokenness, who wants that? The truth is you cannot, as hard as you may try, make yourself happy. Submission is part of God's perfect design for us but since we all are born into sin we all start off rebelling from God's perfect design for our lives because we think we know better and we want what we want.

Who did I think I was anyway? I really thought I knew better than God did. I thought I knew what I needed in my life because, well I'm me, duh. But wait a minute, step back from that thought girlie and ask yourself this question; Where were you when God first thought of creating the world? Where were you when God was forming you in your mothers womb? If you know what is best for your life then why didn't you just take the reins from the beginning and create yourself? Hmmm, interesting thought. The Lord revealed His Omnipotence to Job in Chapter 38 and now He was revealing it to me.

I wonder why it took me so long to see that? Oh yeah I'm a sinner. For all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God (Rom 3: 23). So how does one submit to God's will for your life? Well first you need to start off with prayer and really ask for forgiveness for thinking you had any good ideas to offer... GOD... (really that's just ridiculous, God of the universes way or my way). Second get in the Word! You really can't know what His will is for you unless you know Him so open that BIBLE. Next pray some more. God is GOD and He will reveal Himself to those who cry out to Him for help. I sought the Lord, and He heard me, and delivered me from ALL my fears (Psalm 34:4). Then comes something that you need to do and that is have faith that He loves you. For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only son that whoever believes in Him will not parish but have everlasting life (John 3:16). He gave you life and has been waiting for you for so long to let Him into every part of your life so He can do a good work in you. God is faithful and will finish the work He starts in you. Finally wait on the Lord! Don't rush into to anything please. Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak (Matt 26:41)

Oh God I need you in my life because I just keep making a mess of things when I don't let You in or when I think I have a certain aspect of my life under control. God You are God and You know me better then I know myself. Save me from myself God and take control of my life I give it all to You. Please teach me Your ways and help me to hear from You because my mind can be my own worst enemy. Father forgive me for my sins and help me to submit to Your authority God! In Jesus name AMEN.

One more little thought, if you want to know more about submission check out K.P. Yohannan's book Touching Godliness through Submission. It is a great book but don't rush through it you need to take it in slowly maybe one chapter at a time. And keep praying Love ya.

Kenny and I went Kayaking for our 8th anniversary. We had such an amazing time! We went up to the San Juan Islands and paddled around for 6 hours admiring God's beautiful creation hoping to spot some killer whales. We didn't see any whales but we did see a few bald eagles and a couple sea lions and a rare star fish. Our guide was the kind of person that has so much enthusiasm for his job that it just spilled over to everyone who was on the tour. It was a major workout even though Kenny did most of the work. I told him to stop paddling so I could see how far I could take us, but we barely moved. It was no surprise to my husband and he just said, "I didn't marry you for your brute strength." He's defiantly the muscle's in our relationship! We are already planning our next amazing adventure for our 9th anniversary. This anniversary will defiantly go down in Johnson family history as the best date ever. Thank You God for an amazing day and thank You for my husband. I love you Kenneth Johnson!

How did I let this happen? I gave up on faith because of fear. I have been struggling with my thoughts again and wondering why, instead of trusting in the Lord. I have been a fool! I don't know why I let this happen but I know how to stop it. God I give my life back to You. I was being selfish and ungrateful. I am sorry please forgive me. I don't care why things are the way they are any more. I don't want to try to figure it out. I give it all to You God. Your ways are better than my own and I trust You no matter what the future holds. You are patient and loving. Thank You for the gentle correction and for Your forgiveness. Please help me to get through these days that are ahead and lead me down the path that You choose. I need You in my life to be my fortress of defence. I love You and all You have done for me. Thank You for Jesus and for my life.

An Unwelcoming Sky

Holly and I walked out the front door on our way to pick Keegan up from school. We were greeted by an unwelcoming sky that was as dark as I had ever seen. We quickly got into the car as the first few drops of rain fell from that mean sky. Thunder rolled and boomed and we knew we had left in the nick of time. The air inside the car was heavy and warm probably because the windows had been rolled up all day. I cracked the front two windows to relieve some of the humid pressure as we headed for our destination. The wind howled fiercely and trees were forced to bow before the winds mighty power. The rain started falling harder as if to challenge the winds strength. I pulled up to the school and parked behind what seemed like a mile long stretch of cars all waiting to pick up their precious cargo. I grabbed my umbrella and dared to open my car door but I quickly retreated as the wind threatened to blow my door right off its hinges. Once more I attempt to exit the safety of my car and try to use my umbrella as my shield. I couldn't even open my umbrella fully because as soon as I reached for that final click to lock the umbrella opened the wind tried to close it back up. I jumped out and closed my car door and opened Holly's door. "I think you better wait in the car," I said to my adventure seeking daughter. She wasn't intimidated by the wind and rain, "I want to come." "OK but hurry up, lets go," I said with a voice of warning. We got to the curb and the wind blew harder and the rain pounded the two of us as we started to run. My weak little umbrella began flapping up and down as we got closer to the gate where the children would wait for their parents. "Keegan." "Keegan!" I yelled to get his attention. The other parents were retreating back to their cars with soggy little children. Keegan was actually using his hood, a rare sight indeed. He ran to me and Holly and we turned back to the car that seemed so far away. "How was school buddy," I asked loudly. He answered me but I couldn't hear what he said. The wind and rain were attacking viciously now and we knew we had to run. I struggled to keep my trembling umbrella under control as we ran down the wet side walk. Thunder boomed once more as we finally made it to the car. "Hurry up get in!" I closed their door and walked around to the driver side and flung open my door. I jumped in without closing my wimpy umbrella. Fighting to close the beaten old thing, I finally got in the car. I breathed a sigh of relief and let out a little laugh. "Wow we!" We had made it back to the safety of our car. I hit my left turn blinker to pull out and head home. The adventure had ended and as we drove home the rain began to ease up though the remnant of its attack was prevalent all over the ground. We were sopping wet and laughing at what just happened. We pulled up to the house and Kenny greeted us warmly with a big smile from the front porch. "Holy smokes was that crazy or what?" Kenny held the door open as we walked inside and we all started telling him our own version of what happened on our fifteen minute trip to pick up Keegan.