Undeserving people given the only gift that truly matters

I feel small and insignificant when I think about all the people in this world. I am just one. Why would a perfect and Holy God want anything to do with me? I didn’t always think that way. I used to think, “of course God wants to be with me. I mean I am an angel compared to all of those sinners out there”. I know it sounds completely ridiculous and arrogant and just plain dumb. I really did think that God loved me more than some people. I hate that I’m even typing these words because they are just so wrong! I was stuck in the mind frame that I was a good person that only occasionally sinned therefore I was loved more by God. I didn’t know God very well.

You see God came to this world in the most humble way. He was born into a poor family and was laid in a manger full of hay. Not because that was just what they had back then, far from. We can sometimes think that our generation is different compared to way back when. No, that time had its well to do class just like we have. God chose that specific place and time for His glorious entry into our world. Why? I think one of the reasons was because God knows people and He knows how our minds work. We segregate and separate people, we give classes and statuses to everyone and then we judge them based on our own thoughts and ideas. To help us see that every person matters to God he came down as a poor carpenters’ son. Wow God who created the universe came down to His creation, just the thought that He would come down to dwell with us is mind boggling.

God came to this world for the sinners, and guess what we are all a part of that category! God doesn’t discriminate. God died for the murderers, the thieves, the sexually immoral, and for the ignorant people. God offered every human being the chance to repent and be partakers of His gift of eternal life, that can’t be bought by our good deeds. No matter how good we claim to be we are still not good enough to measure up to God’s perfect standard. God gave us life and then he gave us a choice to follow His way or go our own way and everyone has chosen at one point or another to go their own way. We are all sinners in need of a savior. Then God, knowing that we would chose wrong, sent His son to take on all our sin for us so that if we believed that He died for our sins we could be eternally with God in heaven. Wow! I just don’t know any other gift that compares to God’s gift of love in Jesus Christ.

Thank You God for Your forgiveness. God thank You for Jesus and thank You that You made a way of escape for me. You brought me out of my ignorance and restored my life. Please help us all to see You for who You truly are. We are nothing without You God. You are good and You are Holy and yet You wish to be a part of each and every person’s life. Belief in Your Son and repentance is the key to that relationship with You, father please help us all to sin no more. This Christmas I want to give You all of me. I want to submit all I am to You because You gave all for me. I love You Lord and I am forever in Your debt and that is a place I will be happy to stay for all my life, in Your precious Son’s name Amen.

The S word

It is definitely not what I wanted to hear but it was certainly what I needed! Submission, not a word you are just overjoyed to hear but without it you can't get a deeper relationship with our Lord. Jesus is the ultimate example of submission and brokenness. Brokenness, who wants that? The truth is you cannot, as hard as you may try, make yourself happy. Submission is part of God's perfect design for us but since we all are born into sin we all start off rebelling from God's perfect design for our lives because we think we know better and we want what we want.

Who did I think I was anyway? I really thought I knew better than God did. I thought I knew what I needed in my life because, well I'm me, duh. But wait a minute, step back from that thought girlie and ask yourself this question; Where were you when God first thought of creating the world? Where were you when God was forming you in your mothers womb? If you know what is best for your life then why didn't you just take the reins from the beginning and create yourself? Hmmm, interesting thought. The Lord revealed His Omnipotence to Job in Chapter 38 and now He was revealing it to me.

I wonder why it took me so long to see that? Oh yeah I'm a sinner. For all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God (Rom 3: 23). So how does one submit to God's will for your life? Well first you need to start off with prayer and really ask for forgiveness for thinking you had any good ideas to offer... GOD... (really that's just ridiculous, God of the universes way or my way). Second get in the Word! You really can't know what His will is for you unless you know Him so open that BIBLE. Next pray some more. God is GOD and He will reveal Himself to those who cry out to Him for help. I sought the Lord, and He heard me, and delivered me from ALL my fears (Psalm 34:4). Then comes something that you need to do and that is have faith that He loves you. For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only son that whoever believes in Him will not parish but have everlasting life (John 3:16). He gave you life and has been waiting for you for so long to let Him into every part of your life so He can do a good work in you. God is faithful and will finish the work He starts in you. Finally wait on the Lord! Don't rush into to anything please. Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak (Matt 26:41)

Oh God I need you in my life because I just keep making a mess of things when I don't let You in or when I think I have a certain aspect of my life under control. God You are God and You know me better then I know myself. Save me from myself God and take control of my life I give it all to You. Please teach me Your ways and help me to hear from You because my mind can be my own worst enemy. Father forgive me for my sins and help me to submit to Your authority God! In Jesus name AMEN.

One more little thought, if you want to know more about submission check out K.P. Yohannan's book Touching Godliness through Submission. It is a great book but don't rush through it you need to take it in slowly maybe one chapter at a time. And keep praying Love ya.

Kenny and I went Kayaking for our 8th anniversary. We had such an amazing time! We went up to the San Juan Islands and paddled around for 6 hours admiring God's beautiful creation hoping to spot some killer whales. We didn't see any whales but we did see a few bald eagles and a couple sea lions and a rare star fish. Our guide was the kind of person that has so much enthusiasm for his job that it just spilled over to everyone who was on the tour. It was a major workout even though Kenny did most of the work. I told him to stop paddling so I could see how far I could take us, but we barely moved. It was no surprise to my husband and he just said, "I didn't marry you for your brute strength." He's defiantly the muscle's in our relationship! We are already planning our next amazing adventure for our 9th anniversary. This anniversary will defiantly go down in Johnson family history as the best date ever. Thank You God for an amazing day and thank You for my husband. I love you Kenneth Johnson!

How did I let this happen? I gave up on faith because of fear. I have been struggling with my thoughts again and wondering why, instead of trusting in the Lord. I have been a fool! I don't know why I let this happen but I know how to stop it. God I give my life back to You. I was being selfish and ungrateful. I am sorry please forgive me. I don't care why things are the way they are any more. I don't want to try to figure it out. I give it all to You God. Your ways are better than my own and I trust You no matter what the future holds. You are patient and loving. Thank You for the gentle correction and for Your forgiveness. Please help me to get through these days that are ahead and lead me down the path that You choose. I need You in my life to be my fortress of defence. I love You and all You have done for me. Thank You for Jesus and for my life.

An Unwelcoming Sky

Holly and I walked out the front door on our way to pick Keegan up from school. We were greeted by an unwelcoming sky that was as dark as I had ever seen. We quickly got into the car as the first few drops of rain fell from that mean sky. Thunder rolled and boomed and we knew we had left in the nick of time. The air inside the car was heavy and warm probably because the windows had been rolled up all day. I cracked the front two windows to relieve some of the humid pressure as we headed for our destination. The wind howled fiercely and trees were forced to bow before the winds mighty power. The rain started falling harder as if to challenge the winds strength. I pulled up to the school and parked behind what seemed like a mile long stretch of cars all waiting to pick up their precious cargo. I grabbed my umbrella and dared to open my car door but I quickly retreated as the wind threatened to blow my door right off its hinges. Once more I attempt to exit the safety of my car and try to use my umbrella as my shield. I couldn't even open my umbrella fully because as soon as I reached for that final click to lock the umbrella opened the wind tried to close it back up. I jumped out and closed my car door and opened Holly's door. "I think you better wait in the car," I said to my adventure seeking daughter. She wasn't intimidated by the wind and rain, "I want to come." "OK but hurry up, lets go," I said with a voice of warning. We got to the curb and the wind blew harder and the rain pounded the two of us as we started to run. My weak little umbrella began flapping up and down as we got closer to the gate where the children would wait for their parents. "Keegan." "Keegan!" I yelled to get his attention. The other parents were retreating back to their cars with soggy little children. Keegan was actually using his hood, a rare sight indeed. He ran to me and Holly and we turned back to the car that seemed so far away. "How was school buddy," I asked loudly. He answered me but I couldn't hear what he said. The wind and rain were attacking viciously now and we knew we had to run. I struggled to keep my trembling umbrella under control as we ran down the wet side walk. Thunder boomed once more as we finally made it to the car. "Hurry up get in!" I closed their door and walked around to the driver side and flung open my door. I jumped in without closing my wimpy umbrella. Fighting to close the beaten old thing, I finally got in the car. I breathed a sigh of relief and let out a little laugh. "Wow we!" We had made it back to the safety of our car. I hit my left turn blinker to pull out and head home. The adventure had ended and as we drove home the rain began to ease up though the remnant of its attack was prevalent all over the ground. We were sopping wet and laughing at what just happened. We pulled up to the house and Kenny greeted us warmly with a big smile from the front porch. "Holy smokes was that crazy or what?" Kenny held the door open as we walked inside and we all started telling him our own version of what happened on our fifteen minute trip to pick up Keegan.

Run away cart!

I just want to write. I have this desire to write and sometimes I have no idea what to write. It can be very frustrating you know. I wish all I had to do was sit here if front of my computer and type these thoughts that come into my head, that would be amazing for me scary for you ha ha. So I have been in school now for about 2 and a half weeks and I have already failed one quiz. I really can't believe it. I am however getting a very good grade in my English& 101 class. I love writing but I hate writing in response to reading. We have to read this book and then respond to it. Yuck! I really need to memorize the parts of the body for my AP test on Monday but instead I'm just typing away like I have nothing else to do.

I have been out of school for so long it seems like I forgot how to study or lost the ability. I really am trying but every time I sit down to read my psychology book I start to fall asleep. It's not my fault I'm old now. I don't know. Maybe it is me, I have been in slow motion for a couple of days now and I can't seem to shake it. Seriously I was at the grocery store today and I took me like 30 minutes just to get out of the car. You think I'm exaggerating but I'm not. I was just sitting there thinking. Not about anything in particular just thinking. Then once I got in the store I was totally in my own little world. I skipped around the isles with no direction. I finally made it back to my car with my shopping cart full and started to put groceries in the back. I was trying to make it all fit so when I took a corner it wouldn't spill over (I hate that). I turned around to get another bag out of my cart when I noticed my cart was gone. It had rolled halfway back to the store before I turned around. I heard a cart rolling but didn't think it was mine. A nice lady brought it back for me and I just said, "oh my gosh I'm sorry, thanks for grabbing my cart." Wow, can you say "space cadet." I really need to focus on something or we will all be in real danger!!!

For now I guess I'll just hit the sack and pray tomorrow will be better. I really need to get it together, I have to get it together! Oh Lord help me to get it together please I beg you! I am stumbling around down here like I just learned to walk. I need you to hold my hands and lead me down this road. I can't do it alone I need your help. I am nothing with out you, save me from myself I pray in Jesus name Amen!!!

So do I need to take notes?

I left my psychology class tonight baffled. My teacher showed us a film and it's main focus was, what we think we know we don't really know. The film was a threat to our history books because of some new evidence that was found that could possibly destroy the theory of how our country was founded. After the film the teacher continued to teach us the history of psychology and I began to wonder. "If the film you just showed us was an attempt to get us to question our belief of what we've been taught thus far through our history books, then why do you think we should believe your teaching"? It made sense to me. How do we trust anything these days? We are taught one way for so long and then someone comes by and says, "no that's not the way anymore this is the way". What's the point? Why do we need to know anyways? I wish things were simple. Praise God His ways are so simple.