How am I doing?

I wonder why words fail us at times of greatest difficulties? Why is it that we think we know so much and can debate over issues that we say we are passionate about but will probably never take a stand for? Why do we talk so much and then when death strikes we lose all of our "so called" communication abilities.

I am so tired of the question, "how are you doing?" Even on a good day when we are asked that question it is usually followed up with a generic, "fine, how are you?"  But if you think about it, that's pretty much all we got! How are you today, nice weather we're having. Heard your husband died, that sucks. Words are pretty much pointless at times and I love words, so ironic!

The worst is when someone thinks they have something to say, offer some kind of advice, in these circumstances. Let me be frank here, unless you've experienced a similar loss it's best if you keep it short. I am not trying to upset anyone but the fact that death causes so much pain for the ones closest to the individual who passed, you'd think there would be more of a sense of fear in the ones offering their "so called" advice to not upset the grief stricken family.

So it's either our words fail us and we choke and fall back on the generic, how are you? Or our words fail us because you think you know but you really don't know. Trust me here, less is more, unless the grief stricken person asks for your company or your words of comfort and then please try to just listen because there is nothing that you're going to say that will make the pain go away.

Oh and don't tell a young child who just lost one of his parents that now he is the man of the house and is responsible for taking care of his mother. That is the dumbest thing any adult can say to a child! And if you don't like how a young child is describing the death of their parent, walk away, but don't try to correct that child and tell them it's more appropriate to say it like this.... Are you kidding me?

Yes Lord, I am angry tonight! I am tired and I'm sad and I'm sick of feeling like this. Dealing with grief is a long suffering that I wish You would shorten. There is no way I will get my Kenny back! There is nothing anyone can say or do that will remove this pain. This is just so hard! I really do just want to move away! Far away so that I wont bump into anyone who knows. I just want this pain to stop. Please God make it stop. I am so angry and sad and I feel lost and helpless. I am trying to get back to life but I would really rather not!!! I don't want people to feel sorry for me I just want them to know I am NOT OK but there is nothing they can do about it!

Sorry bad night!